


Ephesians 4:29

by Persipnei



Series: 3:16 [2]
Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Bland descriptions of sex, Coming Out, Cringey Lyrics, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Paparazzi, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Twitter, internet culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-19 18:32:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19138333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persipnei/pseuds/Persipnei
Summary: We asked Sledge back in May during Boston Calling if he had a fling with Snafu and he denied that he even knew the frontman. Seems like he was lying! Both singers have been exchanging messages through their songs. You don't believe us? Then check the similiarities between Sunday and 3:16!“Merriell, this is so infuriating. I wasn't lying!” he insisted when he finished the paragraph.“Don't you overthink, they don't really care about facts. They wanna prove their point.” Eugene was impressed with his lack of worry.ORThat's what you get for singing about getting dirty in public, boi.





	Ephesians 4:29

**Author's Note:**

> The characters of this story are based on their fictional representation from the TV show. I mean no disrespect to the real veterans.
> 
> Okay, I really hope you’ll like this as much as you did with the first part. I was very nervous while writing this but I think it came out _alright_! The lyrics are still terrible and Eugene overthinkins, but what else is new?
> 
> The link is actually a picture. I found the template [here](https://contentrpt.tumblr.com/post/181060795775/tmz-template-click-here-to-download-a). 
> 
> Enjoy and let me know what you think!!

**SEPTEMBER, 2016**

They managed to leave the airport without being seen. Eugene would love to deny it, but maybe it was a little bit entertaining. Like a game. He was sure that soon enough this —if it lasts— would make him feel anxious and like he was doing something wrong. Like he had to hide. But by now, the bliss of this strange romance could cover up well enough for the future inconveniences they might have.

“So, your grandmothers live together?” Eugene asked as Snafu drove.

“They sure do.” he nodded. He spoke a little bit about his family in their way from Berlin. Gave him a quick guide: Lulu wouldn't be there —she was currently in Cuba with her boyfriend's family—, so that was a relief, apparently; Mamaw was ruthless, the best thing he could do was to agree with her; Grand-mère was sweet and he should try to talk to her the most; and then there was Alma, Snafu's mother, who would probably assume they would get married in the following three weeks. _But don't be scared_ , Snafu said before they landed.

 _Tough job_.

“That's wonderful. I mean. My grandmothers didn't get along all that well.” both of them sadly passed away. But he remembered the arguments both women had. They sure made Chirstmas far more entertaining.

Snafu frowned a little bit and looked at Eugene, briefly, before he kept his eyes on the road. “Eugene.” he began, carefully. It was obvious, wasn't it? “They are _lesbians_.”

The redhead blinked a couple of times, unable to understand his family tree. He parted his lips and couldn't help but ask: “What do you mean, _lesbians_?”

“They are together. In love. They've been for a fuckton of years, in fact.” since he could remember, at least. Before he was born. Snafu stopped at the red light and smiled, fondly, at Eugene's confused expression. “They are not my biological grandmothers.”

“Neither of them?”

“Neither.” he denied. “Grand-mère is Lulu's biological grandmother. She had two daughters. But then...” a light shrug. “Her husband died. From what I heard, he was a fuckin' beast. But she got married because... _Well_. You know how things can get. We never ask her about him. It was pretty bad. But they both knew each other long before he showed up. They were friends before and during her marriage. But they decided to give themselves a chance. It's actually a good story.” good enough for him to even make a song — _C_ _onte de Fées_ — about it. Of course, like any other song from _GRIS-GRIS_ , it was overlooked and easily ignored by the charts and the media.

“They adopted your mother or...?”

“No. I mean. Yes _and_ no. My mother showed up already pregnant.” he pointed at himself with his thumb before he started driving once again. “She asked them to help her to find a job and everythin'. But they told her to stay until she would settle down. And...”

“She kind of stayed forever?”

“Until she could move to her own place. But that was when I was... twelve?” he frowned a bit, trying to go through his memories. “Or so. Yeah. But then, in 2005... Y'know, Red.” Eugene nodded and pressed his lips. “Katrina fuckin' destroyed my grandmothers' house and they moved in with us. Lulu was living there with us too because her mom? She's fuckin' wicked. Who would kick their kid out of their house? _C'mon_!” he huffed, still irritated even if that happened eleven years ago.

“Some mothers... are like _that_.” Eugene offered, focusing on Snafu's family better than on his own. There were things he still couldn't talk about. Not so easily.

“Yeah, I fuckin' guess.” he snorted. “Anyway. That was in August, yeah? I met Burgie that same year, in May, I think. We were startin' the band and everythin'. So I had to go back. And he came with me. To help and all.” there he understood that Burgie was a real friend. The very first one he ever had. “But there was a point in which they didn't need me there anymore, they needed _money_. And I told Burgie: _hey, we have to make this big, now. We gotta make money, become fuckin' stars_. And we kind of did, didn't we?” he grinned at looked at him from the corner of his eyes.

Eugene licked his lower lip and insisted a little bit: “You bought your grandmothers a house?”

“And a bigger one for my Maman.” he nodded. The flat they used to live in wasn't all that great, either. And was quite far from her job. It took his mother so much to find an apartment she could afford that it kind of became his dream to buy her a big house. One with a little garden and french windows. And so he did.

Clearly Eugene judged Snafu far too quickly. He assumed that because he once said that his lyrics were a little prudish and because he absolutely twisted and defiled his song, he was a complete bastard with no good qualities. It was complicated to keep thinking about him like that when he was so family oriented. Eugene wouldn't say that he had a _type_. But maybe he did, a little bit? Maybe he missed having a family so much that he was enchanted by the idea of one that went through _everything_ and was still happy and together. And how Snafu did his best to look after them and turned his dream into one tough job that would allow him to help them all.

That was... Yeah, he _liked_ that.

But, of course, Snafu was still a little bit insufferable and had to ruin the moment with a cocky hum: “What? Are you fallin' in love with me, Red?”

_Fucking maybe._

Eugene rolled his eyes and smiled. Of course he would rather die than simply tell him what he wanted to hear. He could play this game just fine. Snafu might be a master of seduction, but Eugene was learning how to handle the situation. Surely the older man also loved it when he got a little feisty. “Way to ruin a moment, Merriell.”

“It's my only talent.” he grinned, reaching out to caress the back of his head. He brushed his thumb over his scalp, feeling that soft hair he absolutely adored. He pushed him a little bit, teasingly. “What about some _road head_?”

Eugene snorted and slapped his arm away. _What an idiot_.

Snafu kept teasing him during the whole ride. At some point, _Sunday_ was playing on the radio. And the other singer, of course, made sure to echo his _dominical_ song with his own particular _salacious_ version. When Eugene said that he hated him with a little huff, Snafu laughed and squeezed his knee, beyond smitten.

It wasn't until he saw the house that he got nervous. It wasn't all too big or anything. Eugene thought that maybe it was Snafu's grandmothers the ones that rejected luxury, because he didn't look like the kind of person to restrict the money he was willing to spend on the people he loved.

“You don't park in front of the house?” Eugene asked as he saw the doors of the garage opening.

“Paps.” he simply said.

“There are many around here?”

“From time to time, I don't want them to ruin _this_.” This, the _visit_. This, their _relationship_. Or the beginning of one, considering they had sex once and they spoke mostly through the phone. But Snafu was hopeful. He liked Eugene. He liked him after having some terrible relationships in the past. The boy was sweet, genuine, hard-working, beautiful and didn't give a flying fuck about his money or fame. What else could he ask for?

Once he parked, both of them got out of the car. Snafu wrapped his arm around Eugene's shoulders and pressed a kiss against his cheek. Eugene arched an eyebrow and Snafu smiled back at him. This might be the happiest he has been in _years_. He quickly headed upstairs as Eugene followed after him. The redhead brushed his hands over his trousers. It was still rather warm, but he couldn't blame the heat for his sweaty palms. He was nervous.

“Maman!” he called, opening the door.

“We are over 'ere, Merry!” she called from the living room.

Eugene couldn't help but smile a little bit and repeat: “ _Merry_?”

“Shut up.” he huffed a little bit, heading towards the living room.

He was right after him, perhaps trying to hide a bit behind Snafu. It didn't work, the other man was even shorter than he was. Something that, in any other situation, would had been greatly appreciated by Eugene. Not right now when he hoped to not be noticed.

Eugene saw Snafu reach out for his mother, kissing her first. The woman looked scandalously young for having a son who was already thirty-one. He doubted she was even fifty, which made him believe that she had him still in her teenage years. And... while looking at them, neither he could picture how his father would have looked like. Alma and her son had the very same big green eyes, tanned skin and angular jawline. Their upper lip was fuller and curved; their ears pointy and rather thin. Maybe the biggest difference between them was those four taller inches that made Snafu taller than his mother. Eugene doubted his father would had been anything other than _average_ when it comes to height.

He felt a little awkward, waiting to be introduced.

Lucky he was saved from standing there like a fool when he heard someone making hissing noises to catch his attention. Eugene turned his head a little bit and saw the two elderly women sitting on their armchairs, impossibly close. Eugene thought, for a second, about thrones and monarchs. Two rulers that for sure had the highest power in the house. Well, it was _their_ house after all.

The woman with the darkest skin made him a gesture to come closer. Eugene obeyed. “Hello.” he smiled a little nervous.

“Down.” she commanded again.

Eugene doubted for a couple of seconds and crouched by the armchair, with one of his knees over the floor. The woman cupped his chin and squinted a little bit. Maybe she couldn't see all that clear, anymore. “Connie, take a look at this, chère.”

The other woman smiled and tilted her head. Her vision looked far more focused. Eugene could only imagine the dicussions between those two. Perhaps Mamaw refusing the fact that she couldn't see well without her glasses —hanging over the collar of dress but absolutely forgotten— and Grand-mère mocking her because she was _blind as a bat_.

“Oh, my. He chose right this time, didn't he?” Grand-mère sighed with a pleased voice. She even reached out to caress the side of Eugene's face, brushing his red hair back. “Look how bright he looks. Look at his soul.” she praised and Eugene felt his cheek become warm. No one ever flattered his soul. It felt rather nice.

“Told you he needed an _ange_.” Mamaw grinned a little smug, pressing her thumb against his chin.

“We all knew what he needed. He only needed to make the right _choice_.”

“It was about time.”

“Oh, hush, you.” she scolded her fondly. “Your name is Eugene, right?”

He nodded a little bit.

“And you like our Merry?” Mamaw squinted, trying to focus her eyes on his.

“I was surprised, too.” he confessed. That hint of sarcasm made her smile. Eugene felt like he took a step in the right direction with them.

“Come 'ere, let us kiss you.” Grand-mère offered her arms to him. Eugene, who was currently without a family, felt a pang of happiness inside of him when he was accepted _so easily_. He carefully leaned over Mamaw and kissed Grand-mère's cheeks as she kissed his, rubbing his back. She said something that sounded sweet in a slurred cajun French. Of course, Eugene didn't understand. But he was quite sure that it was either an endearment or a compliment.

When Eugene moved towards Mamaw, she looked at him, rather distant. She turned her head and offered him her cheek. If there was going to be any kissing, she would be the one receiving it. Eugene kissed her and she nodded, pleased enough.

“Hey, Red.” Snafu called as Eugene stood on his own two feet again. Alma was finally done greeting her son. If he was right, Snafu was already in New Orleans before he went to see him perform in Berlin. So maybe they have only been apart for a couple of days. He wouldn't mind having a mother so invested in loving him. “This is my Maman.” Snafu didn't look at him. With some luck that would be seen as him being casual and not trying his damn hard to look relaxed. “Maman, this is Eugene.”

Alma's smile was so sweet. Like she didn't demand anything from him. Eugene couldn't help but compare it to his mother's. His mother's love had conditions. Alma's didn't, apparently. Snafu was lucky. He felt like he was, but on the other hand, Eugene has been lucky in other departments. You truly _can't_ have it all.

“Nice to meet you.” he extended his hand, not really knowing how to do this.

Alma held his hand with both of hers. Her palms were small and left very clear that she had to work a lot during her youth in, perhaps, very tough jobs. Still, her touch was tender and caring, brushing her thumb over his knuckles. The other one squeezed his wrist, fondly.

“My Merry told me plenty about you, Eugene.” her smile was so welcoming. They liked him? Just like that? Impossible. First impressions are often deceiving and they would grow tired of him. One way or another. “Y'know, it was me who told him to write you a song.” she looked a little smug, even.

“That... surely caught my attention.” he couldn't possibly tell him that her son wrote a song about screwing him, could be?

Alma was well aware of the type of music her son made.

*** * ***

Eugene didn't share much about himself and they seemed to respect that.

The ones that spoke the most were Alma and Grand-mère. They mostly gushed about Snafu, perhaps feeling like they had to sell him well so Eugene would stay interested. The fact was that he was already far beyond intrigued the other man. This Snafu was not a performer. He brought brought glasses of water to his grandmothers when it was time for them to take their medication. He let his mother correct him here and there about dates when he spoke about his cousins, Lou and Roe. He even asked Eugene over and over again if he wanted another cup of tea or if he needed anything else. And Eugene hated to recognize that there Snafu was only _Merry_. The son and the grandson of the women that were in that house.

And that made him so human. So... _endearing_. And to Eugene, that was just as appealing as the sex symbol he ended up becoming on stage.

They spent the whole day at his grandmothers' house. Then Snafu drove his mother home. She told them to join her for dinner, tomorrow. Snafu didn't give her a clear answer because it showed that he wanted to spend time with Eugene. Both of them had a busy agenda. He wanted to make the most of it as long as he could. Alma didn't push it and Eugene rubbed his nose to hide his smile.

Snafu nudged him with his elbow as soon as he noticed and took him back to his house, this time. After what he saw of Snafu's family, he didn't expect a mansion or anything too flamboyant anymore. It was, perhaps, a little bigger than normal and in the outskirts of the city. Eugene was currently living in California —he absolutely hated it— but he knew that the best way to keep yourself from being bothered and from bothering other people —they are _musicians_ , they might get loud while trying to compose or other times simply... engaging in the _rockstar lifestyle_ , something Eugene has never done nor he planned on it.

Eugene noticed there was an iron gate around the house. Nothing too... majestic or opulent but mostly, perhaps, to mark the limit where his property began if the paparazzi decided to show up. Eugene felt a little uneasy about that, but surely if they could leave the airport without being seen, no one would find them here. This was Snafu's home. No one would tell on him, right? He hoped not at least.

As they did before, they got inside the house through the garage. “I don't want anyone to know I am around, by now.” he explained, briefly.

Eugene followed him once more, with his bag over his shoulder. He didn't take much with him. He planned to stay in Berlin for a couple of days, only. Snafu told him, to keep him from going to California, that he would lend him some clothes if he needed any. They were both rather skinny and not very tall. Those would fit him just fine. And then comes the fact that, _luckily_ , Snafu only wore leather trousers on stage. Eugene knew that he wouldn't be able to pull off that kind of look.

“Olivier!” he called as soon as he opened the door. The view of a kind of minimalistic living room greeting them. Black, white and crimson, here and there. A house that looked a little cold. Eugene was sure that each time he was in New Orleans he spent most of the time either at his mother's or grandmother's.

“Olivier?” Eugene asked. If he followed Snafu on social media, he would know that he has a pet.

“I hope you are not allergic to cats.” Maybe that was something he should have asked from the very beginning. Eugene shook his head as an answer.

Snafu crouched as his cat made his way towards them. Olivier was a big, _big_ fluffy black cat. With long hair and the threat to need a lot of space either on the bed or the couch. His green eyes were full of reproach —for some reason!— as they landed on Eugene. He meowed as Snafu kissed his head and dug his fingers a little bit into his soft stomach.

Eugene decided to be brave and pet the cat who, in fact, closed his eyes and purred. Perhaps the best way to tame a little beast was to make sure to present yourself as nothing but a servant willing to offer both affection and food. Maybe that would save him. Cats have never been his preference.

“You've been alone for a day and you are already overreactin'? Yes, you are, my chunky boy.” Snafu huffed, brushing his nose behind Olivier's ear.

“You leave him with your mother when you are not around?” Eugene dared to guess as Olivier sniffed his fingers.

“Sure do. But I was only goin' to be away for a couple of days. She checked on him this mornin'.” Snafu made a move with his head and walked towards the stairs.

“How old is he?” Eugene asked as Olivier kept looking at him over his owner's shoulder.

“Almost three. I was sick and tired of livin' alone.” but he left it there and didn't elaborate. Eugene noticed that the age of his cat and how long he's been clean for had the very same answer.

There were a few doors on the first floor. The one at the end of the corridor had to be Snafu's, the biggest. He gestured around him. “Pick the one you like the most.”

Eugene stayed in silence for a few seconds, looking at those two. Their eyes were just as big, just as green. The redhead finally shrugged, still holding his bag, deciding to be a _little_ daring. “You are not going to ask me to sleep with you?” They already had... sex, so who cares, anymore?

Snafu grinned a little bit: “Fuck, Sledge, I was tryin' to be a _gentleman_.”

“But you _aren't_.” Eugene insisted, not giving him the chance to even _think_ he was any close to be a gentleman. Over his dead body!

The frontman looked even far more amused by that. Snafu loved it when his boy got all sassy and willing to argue with him. “Was gonna _pretend_.”

“No need, I feel like I know you more and more each time. You can't trick me, anymore.” Eugene replied, pretty convinced of his statement.

“That right?” Snafu raised his eyebrows, pretending to be surprised but looking far too calm and lazy to be convincing. He looked like he was mocking him. Which, he _was_. “What's your conclusion, then?”

“That you are dyin' to get me to sleep in your bed but want _me_ to take that decision.”

“ _Touché_.” he lowered Olivier to the ground and the cat absolutely ignored them and headed downstairs once again as Snafu wrapped his arm around Eugene, taking him to the bedroom while pressing kisses on his neck and sucking bruises over his tender skin.

*** * ***

It truly didn't get any better than this. He was laying on his bed while Eugene was taking a shower. He took a long drag of his cigarette and smiled at himself. He could get used to this. The idea of being with him, without any hurry. He was well aware that this wouldn't last forever. And that they were in a very strange moment, in which none of them dared to define what this was. If it was anything at all. They just had sex for the second time. And while Snafu couldn't speak for Eugene, he liked to think that the younger man was, perhaps, getting fond of him. They talked and texted while being apart! That was something. And now he was here. He met his mother and grandmothers. That counts as something serious.

He shouldn't overthink. If he wanted to know what Eugene thought about this, he should ask him. Snafu fished his trousers from the floor and grabbed his phone, to check the hour. Then he saw he had three texts from his cousin, Lou. He unlocked his phone to see if she wanted something or simply bully him as she often did.

Turns out she had some news:

 **Lulu texted you at 8:18 PM:** _They got you once again Merry_

 **Lulu texted you at 8:18 PM:** _[www.tmz.com/2016/09/13/snafu-shelton-frontman-new...](https://66.media.tumblr.com/4307b4a7223e8a33c7de4484164ced1f/tumblr_pss9pbkzh31y1ony9o1_1280.png)_

 **Lulu texted you at 8:35 PM:** _Hellooooo????_

He didn't even take it seriously. The media loved to picture him as some sort of _manwhore_. And he didn't mind, maybe he was. Maybe he _has_ been. And surely that made them obtain benefit, make more content... You call it. Snafu was still one of those people with far too many relationships in websites like _whosdatedwho.com_ and such. And that truly didn't bother him.

But now, he's getting someone else involved in this. Someone who has never spoken about his private life or caught the attention of that kind of _journalism_.

Instead of sharing his worries with his cousin, he decided to show off:

 **You sent at 8:52 PM:** _i was banging my future bf_

 **Lulu texted you at 8:54 PM:** _Merry, gross!!_

He grinned, abrasive as he was, and decided to pretend until he would find out what Eugene thought about the situation.

 **You sent at 8:54 PM:** _whtverr, lulu_

 **You sent at 8:55 PM:** _each time i do ANYTHING they post about it, who cares??_

 **Lulu texted you at 8:55 PM:** _Maybe your future BF cares??_

 **You sent at 8:55 PM:** _naah..._

Snafu left the phone facing down on the matress and finished his cigarette as Eugene walked out of the bathroom and into the room, toweling his hair and wearing some boxers. The boy was now slightly flushed after the warm shower, slightly moist. Snafu grinned and thought that surely he wouldn't mind a second round.

Eugene approached him and graced him with the virtue of shame by covering his lower half with the sheets of his bed.

“Ah, Red, you already saw everythin'. Felt it, too.” he reached out to grab his forearm.

“You said you were going to pretend to be a gentleman. Believe it or not, they don't have the habit to have their dicks out.”

“No?”

“I was surprised, too.” he snorted, pulling away from Snafu.

“I have somethin' to tell you, sit with me.” he tugged once again until Eugene obeyed. “First of all, don't freak out.”

Eugene stayed in silence for a couple of seconds. “Not the best way to start talking to me. Now I really want to breathe into a paper bag.”

“C'mon, Gene. Don't be difficult.” he sat up and caressed Eugene's arms, getting him to scoot a little closer to him. “You know TMZ?”

“Yeah...” he already feared the worst.

“Well, we are in there, now.” Snafu shrugged. Truly made a difference the fact that it was not his first time. Neither was Eugene's, in fact. To be accurate he was asked about his possible relationship with Snafu _before_ he even got to meet him for the first time. But thankfully, no one cared about that _much_.

“Uh...” Eugene swallowed and licked his lips. “What's... What's about? The...” could be about few different things, so far. They've been playing a bit of a game while sending each other messages with their songs. “They caught us leaving the airport? I didn't...” No, he would have noticed, right?

Snafu shrugged for the second time. “Lulu sent me the link, but honestly? Don't give a fuck. Nor you should, Gene. Alright? Don't worry about it.” he kissed his forehead.

“Like Hell I won't worry about it.” he frowned. “ _Show me_.” He remembered Eddie's words: _Damage control_. He has to be aware of what's going on to not make this any worse.

“You are so damn lucky I love how sexy you look while bossin' me around.”

“Whatever, unlock the phone and show me, Shelton.”

Snafu obeyed and gave Eugene the phone, truly lacking interest in anything that they might have found out. He was far more worried about Eugene's reaction.

“ _Snafu Shelton_ ,” that was the tag. He was the protagonist of the story. Mostly because Snafu was far more popular than Eugene. Even more in these kind of news. “ _did the frontman find a new toy to call 'Baby Baby Baby'?_ ” Eugene needed a moment to let that sink. “What is this title?” Was that even gramatically correct? Did it make any sense? “Why on Earth I am a _new toy_? I don't even have a name to them?”

“Maybe they want to play with the enigma if you are a boy or a girl?” Snafu tried to helpeful, but Eugene was now _insulted_. “Clickbait, baby.”

“Fucking _toy_.” he didn't usually curse, but at this very moment he felt like he had the right to do so. He was _no one_ 's toy! Eugene scrolled and saw a split picture of the both of them. That meant they haven't caught them or they would have shown _anything_ —no matter how blurry it might have looked— that they had. Eugene absolutely hated photoshoots and ever since he became part of The Old Breed he only made _two_. At least he looked well enough, even if he didn't like that picture. It was Leckie who told him to pose like that, pulling his white t-shirt and squinting a little bit. Snafu had his chin over his hands, looking at him, almost fondly if it wasn't for the red line that separated them. They truly made it look like there was something going on even if Eugene was sure that those pictures were taken with _years_ of difference.

“Oh, look at you.” Snafu purred, leaning against him and wrapping his arms around his waist. “You look very good in there, cher.”

Eugene didn't even answer him and saw the text right under the picture: _WILL THIS ONE LAST?_ Like that. With capital letters just like the damn title. Toy! Him, a toy!

“I feel like I will need a lot of patience to read this whole thing.” Eugene breathed. And not lose his mind and call Eddie like he is some sort of cranky twelve year old.

“Want me to read it for you?” Snafu offered, hoping to soften the blow.

Eugene shook his head and decided to act like a grown up, for as long as he could, and started to read out loud, with a tone that implied he was already beyond offended and insulted with the title.

_Old news are fresh news! Snafu Shelton, the frontman of Chasing The Pacific, is the kind of name that always pops up when there's romance in the air. Actors, models, celebrities, we heard it all. But now it's the turn of the good boy of the music industry, Eugene Sledge, the lead singer of The Old Breed._

“ _Toy_ and _good boy_. I...” Eugene closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “I am _neither_.” This was outrageous.

“Mhmm, then gimme those, I don't mind bein' _both_ for you.” Snafu surely seemed to be far more interested in kissing Eugene's neck and caressing his ribs and his hips. Eugene was as rigid as marble statue, perhaps just as cold, too.

“Merriell.” It was not the right moment to play around.

Snafu sighed and only leaned his head against Eugene's shoulder as he continued to read.

 _We asked Sledge back in May during Boston Calling if he had a fling with Snafu and he denied that he even knew the frontman. Seems like he was lying!_ _Both singers have been exchanging messages through their songs. You don't believe us? Then check the similiarities between Sunday and 3:16!_

“Merriell, this is so infuriating. I wasn't lying!” he insisted when he finished the paragraph.

“Don't you overthink, they don't really care about facts. They wanna prove their point.” Eugene was impressed with his lack of worry.

“But we didn't know each other!” he insisted once again.

“Yeah, we met after that. _Wonderful day_.” he smiled and snuggled him. “You had me at _fuck off_. It was beautiful.”

“This is _serious_.” he scolded him.

_Still not convinced? We have more! The Old Breed released a new song called Corinthians a couple of days ago at Lollapalooza, Berlin, and, of course, we paid attention to the lyrics. Very intimate and very beautiful, there's no denying in that, but also quite revealing!_

Okay, that's on him. He couldn't blame any else about that last part. Eugene didn't think this... Well. He didn't think. In general. When he wrote the song it was after spending months, a whole summer, with nothing but Snafu on his mind as they talked over the phone and texted each other almost everyday. So he composed _Corinthians_ because he had a lot to say and he didn't want to keep it inside of himself anymore. He _couldn't_.

And it was a good song, if he's allowed to toot his own horn.

_Sledge sings about his virginity —at 29 years old!— and how he wants Snafu to "defile his temple". A little cheeky of him, don't you think?_

“Hey!” he had to stop right there as Snafu snickered. “No! That was not the meaning of the song. I am not a virgin! It's not about that! The temple is not my body! The temple is... Well! The temple of love!” right now it sounded so foolish and corny, but that was the idea. “This is... Not correct! This is not correct at all!”

“I would have turned me on _a lot_ if I had been your _first_ one.” The _only_ one. Yeah, that sounded great but Snafu would be more than pleased to be the _most important_ one.

“That's not the case!”

Eugene decided to suck it up and finish the damn article before he could finally lick his wounds and perhaps throw a small tantrum about it.

_And not only that! He also seems to be enamored with Snafu's "glowing skin". More than one could relate to that._

_In fact, they did! Snafu has been known for not being able maintain a relationship for any longer than a couple of months. Will Eugene Sledge become one of the many to join that list? Until then, check our top 10 hottest Snafu's ex-lovers!_

“They truly made a top ten?” Snafu couldn't help himself and clicked on the link. “Oh, yeah. They actually did.” They usually liked to assemble all the names but not put them into order.

Eugene returned him the phone right away. If he had to find out about Snafu's ex-lovers, he would rather do it as past experiences from Snafu's point of view rather than people he should compete with, physically. The blonde naked woman with tousled hair let him know that he stood _no chance_.

Snafu locked the phone and left it aside. He knew well the people he dated and, honestly, he didn't care about any rank. Not when he already had a winner right by his side. He caressed Eugene's back with the tip of his fingers and tilted his head to the side: “Are you alright, Red?”

Eugene sighed and nodded. “I should have known better.”

“It doesn't bother me.” he wanted to let him know, just in case.

“I wish I could say the same.”

“If you are ashamed, I cou—”

“No. No. It's not _you_.” Eugene turned and a little bit and leaned his forehead against Snafu's temple. The older man kissed the tip of his nose. “I've never... been on the spotlight? Not for these kind of matters. And I don't... know if I want people to... be aware of what I _like_.”

Snafu translated his words into something far more simple: _I don't want to come out_.

“There's nothin' wrong with what you like, you know that, right?” he cupped his face.

Eugene looked at him, briefly, and nodded. “I know, but it's...” He was terrified of the _backlash_. If his own brother and mother reacted so poorly when he told them and they _loved_ him, people who didn't know him and only enjoyed his music would drop him right away. And he would destroy the band. And he liked being with Sid and Leckie. He liked singing and... He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “... _scary_.”

Snafu wanted to do as much as possible to ease his mind. But he didn't know _how_. The fear Eugene felt, he could understand but he never got to experience it. He never tried to hide or repress anything. His own family told him with a beautiful example that it was _okay_. Whatever he chose, it would be _alright_. And he has always been seen as an overly sexual person. It was kind of his role. They loved to see him wild and frenetic. And honestly, the news about his addiction always hurt him far more than the ones related to who he was sleeping with. He would have wanted them to include Eugene's name on the title. To see a sentence relating both of their names brought him nothing but happiness.

But he couldn't force Eugene to feel like he did. He had religion against him and all those that still thought that Eugene sang from a _indoctrinated_ point of view. He listend to both of his albums and he knew a little bit about Eugene's background. Something told him that his religion was more like a comfort, a way to let him know there was someone watching after them and that encouraged them to do well, than a bunch of rules that kept him from having a free will or spirit.

Nevertheless, Eugene looked like he was in chains, at that very moment. Snafu would bruise and twist his own fingers to break them for him.

“It will be alright.” he could only whisper. He didn't know what else he could say. It felt like the change had to come within. The conviction had to bloom inside of Eugene. He could only love him and support him. Something he already did, like a little fool.

Eugene nodded a bit and smiled, slightly. “Do you... Do you mind if I call Eddie? Just for a second?”

Snafu leaned back and shook his head. “Not at all. It's my turn to take a shower.” he kissed Eugene one last time and walked towards the bathroom.

The redhead took one of Snafu's cigarettes as he called his manager. He forced himself to calm down. Act like someone according his age.

“Hey, Eugene. I was about to call you.”

“You saw the article?”

“Yeah, just now.”

“Same.”

“Want me to stop by and talk about it?”

“I'm not... I'm not in Los Angeles, right now.”

“Aren't you?”

“Sid and Leckie didn't tell you I didn't fly back with them?”

“No, they didn't.” they covered up for him. “I don't appreciate being lied to, Eugene.” it sounded like a gentle father trying to scold a child that didn't usually misbehave. “Where are you?”

“In... In New Orleans.”

“Oh.”

“ _Yeah_.”

“So it's true?”

“Well... Mhm...” he cleared his throat. “It's not like it's anything _formal_.” they haven't spoken about anything. “But we... I'm here, right now. And uh... We get along. And _everything_.”

“But are you dating?” he tried to draw a clear conclusion out of Eugene's ramblings.

“No, no. No, Eddie, _no_.”

“And you think it might get there...?”

“I can't see the future, Eddie.” he mumbled.

“Well.” Eddie said after a second. “If you are there, stay there. But don't make much noise, alright? We are not going to say or do anything about it. They don't know much, by now. Let's keep it like that until the relationship becomes any more...” he doubted. “ _serious_. Alright?”

“Sounds good to me.” Eugene nodded a little bit. “Thank you, Eddie.”

“That's alright, Eugene.” his voice was comforting. It made Eugene feel _good_. A little calmer about this whole thing. “But next time tell me where you are.”

“I will, I swear.”

*** * ***

Eugene decided to follow Eddie's advice and not think about it by now. Ever since the whole _3:16_ fiasco, he deleted the Twitter app from his phone, to keep himself to making the same mistake once again. Now only used his account to keep those who cared about his music aware of new releases and such and he always did it from his laptop. It was a good idea because even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to check what people said.

He was very calm, the following morning. He had breakfast with Snafu and then they moved to the living room. Eugene told him about what Eddie said and Snafu decided that the most logical thing to do was to not leave the house all that often. Like that he had the perfect excuse to keep Eugene for himself and not having to share him with his own mother.

So, there he was: on Snafu's couch, wearing Snafu's sweatpants and t-shirt — _Chasing The Pacific, World Tour 2014_ , Snafu's big comeback after rehab; something to be proud of— and petting Snafu's cat. Olivier was nicer than he looked like, but he demanded plenty of attention and meowed and complained each time Eugene stopped petting and scratching him. He even made himself a big fluffy ball on Eugene's chest, like a weight that kept him from changing his position. He would lay there until he would say so.

Snafu was sitting on the floor, right by the leather couch. He slipped his hand under Eugene's t-shirt and caressed his stomach with his palm, feeling the soft skin. At some point he even tickled his pet, to make him chase his hand under the fabric. That earned a tender gesture from Eugene who played with his curls. Snafu hated being such a softie, but he wouldn't mind reducing his whole life to moments like this. Eugene, on the other hand, truly thought that man and cat were very much alike, far beyond the eyes.

Eugene decided to entertain him. Amuse him; give him something exchange.

“ _Baby, y'know I'd surrender without any rules.”_ Snafu blinked, recognizing his own lyrics escaping from Eugene's lips. _“I'm all yours, you can see it in my eyes... uh-huh~?_ ” the way he dragged the note of the little question made Snafu's stomach turn all warm. He made that song taste like sugar under his tongue. Sweet begging as it was created to sound like. A lover craving and willing to accept anything from someone who _clearly_ had the upper hand. “ _I wouldn't mind if you kept me at the end of your leash._ ” This time Eugene was not trying to make fun of him or diminish his music. There was no war between them anymore. “ _But keep me, love me, feel me_.”

Snafu shifted closer to him, nuzzling his nose and cheek against Eugene's, right before peppering kisses over his forehead and nose bridge. Eugene closed his eyes and he never sang so comfortably, so sweetly. “ _Oh, baby baby baby... why you gotta be so mean? Oh, baby baby baby, I would help you see so clear_.” Snafu cupped his face and kissed his forehead, looking down at him. He was absolutely _smitten_.

He had to record this. He would save it as a memory but he also wanted the evidence that this happened. For whenever he would need it. Because he will _need_ it. Either if this goes well or not. Snafu pulled his phone out of his pocket and as soon as Eugene saw how he aimed it at him, he shook his head and tried to cover the camera with his hands. “Absolutely not!”

“Oh, cher. Please, _please_. Keep singin'. That was sweet as fuck!” Snafu whined, trying to keep the phone away from Eugene but getting him in frame.

“No way!” he shook his head, stubbornly, tempted to use Olivier himself to hide his face. He truly hated being filmed. Funny thing coming from a _celebrity_.

“Why not?!”

“You told me I had no stage presence.” those words bothered him more than he would want to accept because they held some _truth_ in them. Eugene usually felt petrified when he walked into a stage. It was Leckie who shared a few tricks with him, to make it less... _robotical_. And for him to not have a panic attack right there, in front of everybody. But Eugene still barely moved around the stage and needed to hide behind his guitar. What he did a couple of days ago while singing _Corinthians_ in Lollapalooza was the most daring he _ever_ dared to get. “This wouldn't be any better.”

“I'm an asshole, I don't mean what I say half of the times!” Snafu insisted.

“Too bad! You said what you said, and sadly, you were _correct_!”

“I was not correct, I was just...” Snafu huffed, truly regretting ever saying that. Or speaking at all. He lowered his phone and grumbled. “I'm _sorry_.” Now he won't have a video because of big stupid mouth.

“Once again, you were _right_ , Merriell.”

Snafu pouted for a second and took Olivier off Eugene's chest. The cat complained but did nothing to stop his owner. As soon as he was left on the floor, he jumped onto the armchair to continue his lazy routine.

“What are you doing?” Eugene asked as Snafu made him stand up.

“Gonna teach you a lesson.”

Eugene arched an eyebrow as Snafu began to drag him upstairs.

“That, meaning...?”

“Gonna show you how to move without lookin' like you got somethin' shoved up your ass, Red.”

Eugene decided to not say anything about that. He couldn't trust Snafu not taking the chance to joke about the things that went up his butt.

Snafu took him to the attic that was, in fact, a pretty nice studio. He had guitars, a piano, a mixing console and several microphones. He attached one of them to the stand and said: “Stay there. Your life is goin' to change forever.”

“If you are plan on teaching me to be half naked on stage while summoning some pagan god... Well, you'll be quite _disappointed_.”

“That's what I look like to you?” Snafu grinned as he moved towards the computer.

“More or less.” Eugene shrugged, adjusting the microphone a little bit. “It works for _you_. But that's not my style.”

“What's your style?”

“Awkward. Nervous. _Bland_.”

“That's not true at all, sugar, you are fuckin' _dynamite_. I mean it.” Snafu insisted. “You are hot as fuck. Sexy as Hell. I've _seen_ it. You only need to loosen up a little.”

Eugene looked away and smiled because that was actually _flattering_. He never saw himself as either hot or sexy. Perhaps, during a good day, somehow dashing. But in general quite plain and not that remarkable in any sort of physical way. Nor when it comes the attitude. There were people that were confident and had, as Snafu said once, some sort of magnetism. Sadly, Eugene was not one of those. But to be told by Snafu himself —usually somewhere in the rank of the sexiest men in their industry— that he could be alluring felt good. _Really good_.

“I already do that: loosen up. I don't throw up before performing anymore.” Eugene confessed because he felt like Snafu deserved to know a little more about him.

“You did that?” Snafu sounded surprised.

“Not _willingly_.”

“Yeah, I _assumed_ that.”

Eugene shrugged a little bit. “I got really nervous.” He still did, but he could pretend well enough. Digest his meal, at least. “The first time we had a gig, Leckie and Sid had to calm me down for thirty minutes. It was absolutely _ridiculous_.” he snorted at himself and shook his head. “But I guess....” Eugene had an uncontrollable fear towards being _rejected_. He wanted to be accepted as he was: nervous, insecure, a little changeable, sometimes even snarky and well... _gay_. But the reality was very different. When his father died, it felt like the only person that truly knew him was gone and that no one would ever get to know him that well. Not even Sid, not even Leckie. No one. The main reason why Sid and Eugene didn't create a band all by themselves when they were younger was because of Eugene's stage fright. His friend joined H.O.W. but didn't last for too long. Then, his father died and Eugene thought that maybe he should do more to let people know him. Maybe he had to open the door for them to be able to take a peek. Maybe it was time to show himself to the world: _open up_ , as his father told him once. But it was very complicated to handle such fear. Even more after losing his mother and his brother for showing what he kept inside for so long. Something that he was _still_ struggling with. “You aim for the best. It's only normal to be a little nervous, don't you think?”

“Don't know, Gene, I've never been one for _shame_.” Snafu shrugged.

“Don't you say!” he smirked a little bit.

Snafu winked and the track of _Baby Baby Baby_ started playing. The older man walked towards Eugene. He was about to step aside, to let him take the mic and show him how it's done. Instead, Snafu shook his head and stood behind Eugene.

“You want me to sing your song?”

“Mhmm...” he caressed his hips and rested his forehead over his shoulder, pressing a couple of kisses against the black fabric of his t-shirt.

“While you _distract_ me?”

“While I _teach_ you.” Snafu corrected him, pressing the palms of his hands against his hips, showing him how to begin.

“This is not going to come out well.” Eugene warned him. He was absolutely arrhythmic. But he guessed that this was not too bad. Snafu could always encourage him to sing _3:16_. Then the sense of defeat would be far too much for Eugene.

“ _Shhh_...” Snafu hushed him tenderly, like a snake hissing over his ear.

Eugene listened to that song many times. He first used it as a joke. Then he heard it as a fond memory of the beginning of a foolish battle. Now it was about to become something new. An experience between the both of them. Eugene hoped that Snafu would think about him each time he sang it.

He _would_.

He hummed, holding onto the microphone stand a little too tense. Snafu's fingers squeezed his hips before he began to guide him. He was moving right behind him, he could feel his body brushing against his back. It was effortless for Snafu. It came out as natural. It was far more complicated for Eugene to ever externalize _anything_. Even the melody that was currently trapped inside of his flesh. A guitar riff that was heating up his blood, a bassline that made his heart vibrate and drums beat that told him when to sway from side to side under Snafu's command.

He admired them for being able to create a song that could charm people into that state of thrilling peace.

When Eugene sang, he felt like he was doing a poor job. At first he tried to replicate Snafu's range, as he didn't think that his style would fit that kind of track in any sort of way. But the frontman didn't want an imitation. He wanted Eugene to be himself. A far more relaxed version of who he was. Someone that was at ease with himself. Comfortable in his own skin.

“No, no.” he denied. “The way you did it earlier. Not me, _you_.”

Eugene licked his lips and brushed his hair back. Snafu kissed the back of that hand as soon as it was close enough to his lips. He caressed Eugene's arms and showed him how to play with the microphone stand. Caress it as he did while he sang _Corinthians_. He had it, he only had to let it out more often. After the first chorus, Eugene sang and he did it with his own voice and his own particular style. “ _Touch me until I can feel nothing but sweet ache_.”

For some reason it did _fit_. It didn't sound strange. Eugene didn't feel like he was impersonating a more tempting version of himself. Neither he felt like he was making a fool out of himself, even if those lyrics wouldn't be likely to appear in his mind. “ _I ain't cooling down, you can see it in my eyes, uh-huh~?_ ” he stretched the note as he did back on the couch and Snafu's stomach burned once again. He breathed deeply and squeezed Eugene's forearms before his fingers touched his wrists, his chest now glued to Eugene's back. “ _I wouldn't mind if you were the one that moved my strings_.”

And wasn't that awfully _convenient_?

Eugene turned his head and rested it against Snafu. Then he sighed “ _But do it, love me, own me_.” and it sounded heavenly to Snafu. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, holding him tightly, it was no longer about performing. This became far more intimate. Snafu wanted him. Craved him. And it didn't help when Eugene finally sang: “ _Oh, baby baby baby... why don't you come over here? Oh, baby baby baby... there's nothing left to fear_.”

Snafu couldn't help it anymore. He was never very good at repressing his own desires.

He kissed Eugene and got him on the floor.

*** * ***

Snafu cleaned Eugene's stomach with a tissue as he tenderly kissed his cheeks and forehead.

How could he not love him all tired and flushed with his t-shirt tangled under his armpits and chin? He was adorable. Snafu doubted he has ever been all that invested in any relationship before. Not that they were _anything_ , yet. But...

He noticed that Eugene winced when he helped him to slid his underwear and sweatpants up his pale legs.

“Are you okay?” he asked before he covered his body once again with his shirt, smoothing the fabric over the abdomen that still constricted with each deep breath he took.

“I have carpet burns on my _ass_ , but other than that, I'm _alright_.” Eugene huffed, visibly worn out. There was a couch right there, in the studio. But there was no way to stop Snafu when he truly got in the _mood_.

“Hush, boy. Now you'll have a wonderful memory each time you wear that shirt.” Snafu leaned over his knees, still between Eugene's legs, fixing the elastic around his hips. Then he patted Eugene thighs and grinned, beyond victorious.

“Can I keep it?”

“ _Mhmm_.” he nodded.

*** * ***

The next day, it was Eugene who asked Snafu to go to the studio once again. When the older man grinned, foolish and trying to look tempting, Eugene shook his head and told him that it he was not going to get carpet burns on his hands or knees, this time. Snafu was a musician just like he was. A very good one. And to spend time with him and his art was a _gift_. It was a good thing that Snafu admired Eugene just as much.

At first, Snafu only wanted to mess around. He played melodies on the piano, knowing that Eugene would be able to guess them and sing along. He played _Tiny Dancer_ — _But oh how it feels so real, l_ _ying here with no one near_ —, _Changes_ — _There's gonna have to be a different man, time may change me_ —, _Somebody to Love_ — _And I start to pray 'til the tears run down from my eyes_ —, _Angie_ — _Oh your kisses still taste sweet, I hate that sadness in your eyes_ — to name a few. Clearly he was feeling very _seventies_.

And then he played _Close To You_ and Eugene _laughed_.

“What?” Snafu smiled, slowly stopping.

“Nothing.” he shook his head. “It's just... When Sid and I were little, we usually played this song during Christmas in front of our families. _Every single time_.”

“Really?” he raised his eyebrows, looking amused. “For how many years?”

“Six. _At least_.” Then Eugene started to feel more self-conscious and Sid was no longer into the Carpenters. “But in my defense, my mother wouldn't let me listen to much more other than what she thought _appropiate_.”

“ _Uh_.” that didn't sound very good.

“Yeah.” Eugene nodded. “But my dad was a big fan of Johnny Cash.” a smile appeared over his lips. A very special smile, only for his father. “My mother didn't approve.” Mary Frank's rectitude was _suffocating_. “So he only played it when she was not in the house. And I guess... I wanted to learn how to play the guitar because he looked so cool. And I liked his deep voice so you can imagine how stupid I looked while being nothing but a brat faking Johnny Cash's voice.” Snafu was absolutely endeared by that idea. “I miss those afternoons.” Eugene confessed. He missed his father terribly.

Snafu would do anything for Eugene. But he couldn't possibly bring back the dead. He would if he could. _No limits_. But he could distract him with something that would him want to live in that very moment. To not look back and miss anything from the past. He had his music. Something he created for Eugene. _Only_ for him.

So he started playing. The melody was sweet but energetic. Pure hope with a clear touch of love. Expectations that might not match reality, but that sure painted a beautiful future. Something that might be just there if you kept going.

Eugene tilted his head to the side, assuming that Snafu was playing his personal game of _Guess This Song And Sing Along_. He had to admit that it was beautiful, and he grew curious. He didn't know that song but wanted to. He felt like he should know it. That's what he did for a living.

Snafu looked at Eugene from the corner of his eyes and smiled when he saw the boy frowning and overthinking.

“I give up.” the redhead finally sighed. “I don't think I've heard this song before.”

“You haven't.” Snafu replied. “It doesn't exist.” clearly it did because it was currently filling the air of the studio. “Well, it does. Ever since I met you.” Since he met him in the most intimate way possible. At first the desire bloomed. He saw Eugene and he wanted him _so bad_ that he composed a song that was both crude and awfully sincere. A song that people were used to listen from someone like him, but that after all it did end with a very promising: _I'll love you every time_.

This was the continuation of that feeling. A song created in those moments he spent with Eugene in his hotel room. When he told Eugene that they could stop at any moment and he said _no_ with the sweetest voice he ever heard. The feeling that grew during the summer while being apart. That was the promise and the evidence that Snafu was in love with Eugene. And that was the best way to let him know without using his words. Maman said that what he couldn't put into words he should translate into music.

Eugene began to understand. Snafu was prolific and his range was truly wider than many assumed. This tune was nothing like _3:16_. This was another stage of a relationship. This was far more intimate than sex itself. This was something tightly wrapped around the soul and Snafu was showing it to him in the most honest way possible. He blinked and he looked at Snafu's face. The man was looking down, again, at his fingers.

Nothing Eugene could say at the moment would be honest enough. Revealing enough. Grateful enough. The only thing he could do was listen and look at him.

When Snafu stopped, his hands were _trembling_.

Eugene held one of them. He kissed it and brushed his cheek against the back of his fingers. Snafu felt like he was about to pass out.

“That was beautiful, Merriell.” he confessed.

His voice was so honest that Snafu almost felt like he would tear up after he accepted what he had to say so easily. He could breathe once again, but not quite speak. Snafu nodded.

“You should use it. Write a song. People should hear it.” he encouraged him. He would feel selfish to keep it only for himself.

“It's for you.” Snafu could force the words out.

Eugene blinked and stayed in silence.

“You can do whatever you want with it.” he whispered with a small shrug.

“I don't think it should become an... _unsung song_.” a little mouthful.

“I have plenty of those.” Snafu shrugged, lamely. And those he shared with the world during his worst moment were overlooked and quickly forgotten. _GRIS-GRIS_ was released while Snafu was in rehab. The band asked for permission to assemble all those songs Snafu wrote in a tender cajun French with a style that was quite unlikely for them. For him. Far more personal and intimate. No one cared about that album. They were even accused to release it only to make more money since they couldn't make a tour for _BABY BABY BABY_. Because of that, when Snafu returned to the spotlight, he refused to sing any of those songs except one, perhaps, the less personal one — _Désolé_ — and they made a world tour mostly focusing in the previous album to resume his career like nothing ever happened: either the ignored album or the recovery.

People didn't care, the critics teared them to pieces and Snafu didn't feel like opening up about how he felt anymore. Because they only wanted him as a performer. As a walking disaster that was overly sexual and was only there to entertain them with his mischief and many partners.

Eugene continued to look at him and decided that Snafu offered him plenty. Not only with that melody but also with that confession. So he decided to offer instead of demand.

“So do I.”

Snafu looked back at him and Eugene cleared his throat, releasing his hand. He wiped them over his thighs and looked down at the keys. The piano was not his go-to instrument for composing, performing or simply singing. Sid was wonderful at playing. Eugene always felt like he barely knew anything compared to his friend.

“Okay...” he whispered to himself, to calm down.

Eugene knew he wouldn't be able to sing the whole song. He couldn't. Not even while being alone. He could go through it mentally, but his voice was never strong enough to resist the lump on his throat that began to form as soon as he heard himself sing.

After a deep breath, he began. Snafu could tell, right away, that Eugene would only sing a part of it. And he was he was okay with that. He was sharing something with him he _never_ talked about. “ _And everybody I knew was a room away from me_.” There was isolation. “ _Those walls made me feel so alone. My soul was dimming_.” An _identity_ that was hidden for so long that blurred Eugene and turned him into someone else. “ _I became a stranger in our house. Could you even recognize me?_ ” Could those who cared see that he was trying to conceal so much? Did they love him enough to know him? As he _truly_ was?

And if they did love him, then... “ _Don't you miss me anymore?_ ” Because even if he was rejected and asked to _leave_ , still missed them. And he was pretty sure that he loved them because they were still his mother and his brother. Didn't they love him for that same reason? Because he was her son and his brother, as well? Did they forget about him? Carried on like he never existed? “ _Have I faded from your family portrait?_ ” He was no longer part of the family? Was he truly alone? Did they care if he was doing well or not? “ _Do I ever cross your min_ —”

Eugene had to close his eyes and stop singing. His voice was shaking, anyway. He sniffed and rubbed his nose. Yeah, he doubted he would ever be able to sing that song. Maybe that was for the best.

Snafu caressed his back and slowly held him. He pressed a kiss against his temple and mumbled gentle words.

Eugene felt a little better.

*** * ***

“Do you honestly live like this?” Eugene couldn't help but ask during the fourth night. Yesterday, Snafu finally agreed to his mother coming over and having dinner with them. She promised to be back tomorrow and Eugene didn't mind. He liked Alma; she was sweet and easy to talk to. The kind of woman you'd want to have like a mother-in-law, the rebellious part of his brain told him.

But, the thing was that other than the woman's visits... Nothing was out of normal. Snafu had a very calm life back in New Orleans. Surely it was far calmer than usual with the whole thing of being there with the press not knowing about it. But it was still not what he expected.

“Lulu and Romie come over, sometimes. And I go to my grandmothers' for lunch everyday.” Snafu replied, still looking at the TV. His fingers were laced over Eugene's chest: one arm around his shoulders and another around his side, resting his cheek against the crown of Eugene's head.

“Yeah, but you do more than this, right?” he insisted.

Snafu blinked and finally looked down at him. Eugene played a little bit with Olivier's ears, who was currently using him as furniture again, laying on his lap.

“... I do the groceries and clean the house?” Snafu squinted, trying to guess what Eugene was truly talking about.

“You do those things yourself?”

“ _Mmmhm_. Believe it or not, people around here have known me since I was a brat. They don't _care_ that much.” so no one was all that surprised while seeing Snafu buying cereals and milk. “And _they_ would kick my ass if I hired someone to clean my messes.” _They_ : Mamaw, Grand-mère and Maman. A threatening triumvirate. “My life here is very different from Los Angeles.” and he tried to spend as much time as possible in New Orleans. He only headed back to California when he had to work. Other than that... no longer his scene. “I like it better. Keeps me from... _y'know_.”

Eugene nodded, understanding what he meant with that. He couldn't help himself, looking back at the black cat. “Was it really _that_ bad?” Stupid, stupid question. But he wanted to know. He felt like he needed to know, even if he couldn't do anything about something that belonged to Snafu's past.

“Almost killed me.”

Eugene regretted asking right away. Well, of course. That was a serious problem. A problem not everybody managed to overcome. “Sorry.”

“That was not the worst.” Snafu shook his head. “In the end, it's on _you_. You can't stop. You are sick, you can't think straight anymore. But the consequences is what hurts the ones around you.” he brushed the tip of his nose against Eugene's temple. “You become a real asshole to the ones that love you the most because all that matters is the next hit. It's your only goal. And the people that stand in the middle are a problem. Annoyin'. They make you angry, because you could be snortin' another line and they are _there_. Keepin' you from doin' such.”

“Your mother?” Eugene tilted his head. Surely she was the one he loved the most.

“No, she didn't know. Neither did my grandmothers.” he denied once again. “They weren't with me in L.A. I didn't come back home so often.” he explained. “It was Burgie and Lulu the ones that got the worst part.” he moved one of his hands to rub his mouth. The memory of what he did to them still hurt him. Eugene was sure that he has been forgiven. But sometimes it was not enough. Sometimes you had to forgive yourself, as well. “She told me once that I... That if I was not goin' to quit, that _at least_ I should call our cousin, Roe. He is a doctor, y'know?” Eugene could hear a hint of pride in his voice. He was known all over the country and he was pretty damn impressed with the fact that his cousin was a doctor. “So I would be healthy. And I went off on her.”

She only wanted him to be healthy, to be okay. And he attacked her. That was something Snafu kept in mind to stay away from that fucking drug. He didn't want to end up lonely, without his family that he loved _so_ much.

“And I was out of my mind, Red. I'm tellin' you. She was in the corner of my room and cryin' and I _didn't_ stop. She wasn't even twenty-two, then, for fuck's sake.” Snafu huffed and released Eugene. Now he was rubbing his whole face, his eyes and his forehead. Eugene turned a little bit and caressed his shoulders. “Burgie met Lulu when she was fourteen, when he came over after Katrina and... Well. He is a very responsible guy.” in many ways, Burgie was very similar to Roe. And perhaps that was the only reason why the missing cousin let those two be away from him, unsupervised. “He did the sensible thing to do and got me off her and... Then it got even _worse_ with him.” he smiled a bit, far from happy or proud in any sort of way. “I was stupid enough to talk about his little brother and I tried to... hit him. He kicked my fuckin' ass, Eugene.” Burgie made sure that Snafu wouldn't hurt anyone, not even himself. He got him on the floor and didn't let him go until he calmed down. “Fuckin' Terminator. He went to military school. That guy is _ready_ for battle.”

“That's when you decided it was enough?” Eugene could only ask. It did sound like a red flag, to him.

“No, that was the night before I overdosed.”

“Jesus Christ.” Eugene couldn't help but whisper.

“Yeah.” Snafu mumbled. “We were promotin' the new album. They were all used to me showin' up late, but...” he licked his lips. “It really says a lot that they were the ones that found me.” he waved his hand. “Ack Ack took care of the situation. But Lulu called my mother and grandmothers because they were not all too sure I was gonna make it, so... They had to fly from New Orleans. When I woke up, _everybody_ was there. Maman, Mamaw, Grand-Mère, Lulu, Roe, Burgie, Bill Leyden, Jay... And everybody cried at some point and I thought...” he needed a second to be able to keep talking. “ _Are you gonna risk all of them for a fuckin' addiction?_ ” he denied. “No, I wasn't, Red.”

Eugene kissed his cheek and leaned his forehead against his curls. “Why did you start?” he couldn't help but whisper.

Snafu took his time to answer. Meanwhile, Olivier moved from Eugene's lap to his owner's. He caressed his little paws and ended up whispering. “I felt _lonely_.” he denied, very small, unable to justify himself for such common feeling. “Before I met Burgie, I never spent a night away from my family. And it was me who told him we had to move to Cali, to make money. Become famous. That's how we got the name of our band. I said:” he snorted, shaking his head at the memory of a twenty year old Snafu, arrogant and assuming he was very creative. “ _We gotta chase the Pacific if we wanna make it, Burgie_. And the rest is history.” Snafu would rather die than confess that original name of the band was _Mortar Squad_. “But I didn't...” he doubted once again. “I hate bein' alone, Eugene.” Snafu confessed, looking at him once again. “You know how lonely it gets for people like us, right?” he asked, almost hopeful.

Eugene gave him his most compassionate smile with a little nod. “I know.”

“It made me feel...” he didn't want to dwell much on it. He didn't want to miss the feeling. “In control. Interesting. Invencible. Confident. Sexy, even.” he snorted. He was such an idiot. “And then, everybody wanted to be around me. And I felt... good. Like I wasn't alone. But you can imagine what kind of relationships I had. Or how _toxic_ they were.” from both sides. Snafu was well aware that he hurt a few, either willingly or not. “So I felt even worse because everybody had someone and I had... someone in my bed, at best.” Maybe Snafu have always wanted to have someone for him. Someone that would love him as much as he was willing to love. “So I consumed even more.”

“A vicious circle.” Eugene continued to keep his lips close to Snafu's skin, kissing his face here and there when he needed a second to continue. “But at least that's behind you and you quit it before it could harm you _physically_.”

“Oh, but it did.”

“How bad is it?” Eugene looked worried and Snafu wanted to hold him so bad. He kissed him, instead.

“I've got a hole in my septum. I was lucky enough that my nose didn't collapse.” Snafu shrugged a little.

“Do you really?” Eugene almost touched the tip of Snafu's nose.

“You gotta feel it from the inside.”

“I would rather _not_.” the redhead huffed. “But... Does it bother you? Makes you sick?”

“Sometimes I have random nosebleeds or infections during winter. But nothin' too dangerous.” he explained briefly. “And I snore a little.”

Eugene looked away for a moment and shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah, I noticed.”

That made Snafu feel a little better. “You did, huh?” he grinned, wrapping his arms around Eugene's waist once again before he started to kiss his neck.

*** * ***

As promised, Alma visited them the following day and to Snafu's dismay, she brought photo albums. She gave them to Eugene after they had dinner, who smiled like a complete fool, feeling _powerful_ and like he could use those pictures to make fun of him from that very moment until the end of the world.

“Was this necessary?” Snafu huffed.

“Of course!” Alma said as she sat down by Eugene's side on the couch. “He should know a little more about us.”

“The more he knows about us, the less he'll wanna stick around, Maman.”

Eugene thought exactly the _opposite_. He liked Snafu's family. They were very close and he clearly loved them dearly. But he could relate to him. He would also feel like dying if his mother was about to share some old pictures with Snafu. Still, it was pretty damn impossible for that to happen.

“These are just a few, Merry. I have more back home!” it was known that each time there was a special occasion, Alma was the one in charge to take pictures of everything. She still did; she got them printed for herself and the grandmothers and sent them to the cousins' emails or phones. No celebration would be forgotten as long as she would be around.

Snafu sighed and joined them. He would make sure to be around to at least be able to excuse or justify some of his most embarrassing moments.

They began with a Merriell that couldn't be any older than four. The boy already had very big green eyes and a mass of curls crowing his little head. Eugene couldn't help but feel happy about the fact that Snafu was, actually, a very smiley little boy. There were three similar pictures, at the beginning: Merry —with those sweet cheeks and hopeful eyes, he could only be called _that_ — took a picture with the three most important women of his life. It didn't matter if it was his mother or grandmothers, he always had his arms tightly wrapped around their shoulders, looking very happy indeed.

“You can tell it was Mamaw who took the picture.” Alma pointed at the one of mother and son. “She always got 'er finger in the way.” she pointed at the upper left corner: there was a dark blurry shadow over it.

“She doesn't see shit. Not even back then. God forbid you ever tell you that. She'll curse you to Hell.” Snafu snorted and shook his head.

“She absolutely will.” Alma nodded.

Mamaw was not the one to mess around with. Even Eugene could tell that and he barely knew her.

The next picture was Merry, holding a book, and very proudly showing his great work. Eugene remembered having one of those when he was around that same page. Each one encouraged you to draw something different every day: your house, your pets, your favourite toys, you best friend... And in Merry's case, his family.

“Why would you take a picture of that? Those were _homework_.” nothing special at all.

“You were very proud of your drawin'. I was proud too, minet.”

“It's a good drawing.” Eugene added, stilling smiling. He could recognize, more or less, the four persons that the little boy considered his family. They both left out how his teacher asked him, the following day, where was his father and how upset Merry got about.

There has never been a father. There would never be a father.

Alma felt disenchanted after the whole experience, and while she had Merriell very young, she didn't feel like falling in love was a priority anymore. All she cared about was looking after her family and trying to continue her studies in the best way that she could.

Maybe she would fall in love again, maybe not. But it was not something she was actively trying to find. Her life was _complete_.

“That's our little Eugene.” Alma told the _other_ Eugene as she pointed at several pictures taken during the very same day of the two cousins. Roe and Merriell looked nothing alike. Nor they had similar attitudes. While the little pale boy was always perfectly sitting down, it was Merry who hugged him and smooched his cheeks.

“I see he has always been clingy.” Eugene commented.

Snafu was about to complain, tell him that he was _wrong_. But when he opened his mouth, he realized that he was leaning heavily against Eugene to look at the pictures. Maybe he never cared all that much about personal space, but he didn't think it was a bad thing. And if he didn't learn some manners and the whole idea behind distance and respect, for sure he wouldn't start now, at the age that he was.

He only pressed his lips and instead of moving back, he rested his chin on Eugene's shoulder.

“He was a very affectionate child. Very lovin'.” Alma nodded. “He was always in love with some of his classmates.”

Snafu rolled his eyes and mumbled: “With some of them. The cute ones.” He never fell in love with the kind of child that would eat sand, for example. He was not as _easy_ as his mother made him look like.

“They never lasted much.” Alma whispered to Eugene as she smiled.

Anyone would say that Snafu was a romantic. Someone that was far more interested in the idea of love than the actual experience. That surely made him feel a little intimidated.

In some pictures, the mothers appeared with the children. There were, at least, ten years of difference between Alma and Roe's mother, Suzette. Still, she was the only one that accepted Alma as part of the family. Elise, Lou's mother, never managed to stomach that her mother began a relationship with Mamaw and that took care of a pregnant woman that was a complete stranger. But to be fair, this part of the family didn't have a great opinion of Elise for she was never a very loving to Lou, unlike her other two siblings. No one really knew the reason why. The relationship between mother and daughter only got worse when Nicolas, Lou's father, died when she was fourteen.

“This was Merry's sixth birthday.” she pointed at the photos. Eugene guessed that they celebrated his birthday back home. There were colorful garlands hanging from the doorframes and a small cake on the table with six candles.

“I actually don't remember any of these kids.” Snafu squinted as he saw a few classmates that were invited to his party. There weren't _that_ many. Not even half of his class.

“Of course you do, Merry, they... Mhmm...” she pressed her lips. “I can't remember their names. But they were your friends!” Alma told all the parents to bring their kids, but... Well, it was 1991. Some people truly didn't understand his family's life style and how it could even work for them.

“My friends.” he had a crush on many of them, but that didn't mean he had all that many friends. As daring and loud as he could get back home, little Merry was pretty quiet at school. Then he grew up, and people assumed he was a _loner_. “ _Sure_.”

Alma leaned over Eugene and kissed her son's forehead. Snafu smiled a little bit and Eugene nudged him a little.

“I was all over Lulu, anyway.”

And he was. In the following pictures, he was touching the baby's cheeks and little hands, kissing her whenever he could. Lou's chin was always shinning but she was smiling all the time. Eugene liked babies. They always made him smile. Sadly, he was the youngest and he didn't have any cousins. His mother had a brother, but he never got married. His father was an only child. He never quite had the chance to look after any.

There were a few more after the birthday, mostly during the summer of that same year, with inflatable pools and ice creams.

Then, the other album was about their trip to Lafayette back in 1995.

Snafu spoke the most. There he was already ten years old and claimed it was _the best trip ever_. Snafu, now at the age of thirty-one, has been abroad plenty of times. Made a world tour in more than one occasion, and yet, that was still the trip he remembered as the fondest memory. Eugene couldn't tell for sure how far Lafayette was from New Orleans, but it couldn't be much further than four hours away from here by car.

That said a lot.

There were pictures of everybody, during that trip. Mamaw and Grand-mère hugged each other and even kissed. Eugene never dared to kiss Rob in public. He wouldn't even hold his hand. Kind and understanding as he was, he never rushed him. Eugene thought that their relationship didn't have much passion, but it wasn't like he gave him _anything_. Not even casual affection. Maybe he owed him an apology. Maybe he ruined the chance because he was far too scared.

Alma appeared either with the Roes or with Merry. She looked very happy. His mother never looked that happy. She was always... _Well_. His mother was complicated. And Eugene understood that his mother was the way she was mostly because of his grandmother; who was sour and distant. Not that his mother wasn't kind to him, it was just... That she didn't understand. And he hoped that someday she would. That someday she would pick the phone and say: _You are my son and I love you_. He would feel satisfied and _grateful_ with only that.

And then, the _kids_. The three of them: Merry and his two cousins. He was the eldest, but Roe was the same height as he was, while being a year younger. Lou stood in the middle, holding both of their hands and smiling, as wide as she did when she was a baby. At some point, Snafu said: _she still had ten fingers there_. For some reason, he felt like he would remember the detail of the fact that the three of them we were wearing Loony Tunes t-shirts. Taz on Merry's, Bugs Bunny on Roe's and Tweety on Lulu's.

He wished he still had _pictures_ like those.

He wished he had a _family_ like that.

A couple of hours later, Alma finally checked the hour and gasped. She began to stand up and say that she should go home. Snafu offered himself to drive her home, but she refused. Instead, she took Eugene with her to the door and she squeezed his hand.

“Ange, I was thinkin' about givin' you my phone number, do you want it?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. Her eyes truly were just like Merriell's.

“Oh.” Eugene didn't expect that. “Yes, of course.” he nodded, pulling his phone out. They exchanged numbers and she smiled at him in that way that made Eugene want to ask Snafu to let him become part of his family.

“If you ever need to talk or anythin' at all...” she began.

Eugene nodded once again. “I will, thank you.”

Alma caressed his arm and opened the door.

“Wait.” Eugene said. “Uh... There's a church around here? You see, tomorrow is Sunday and...” it was a habit he would always have.

“There is. I usually go with Grand-mère. Do you want to come with us?”

“I would love to.”

Eddie told him to keep a low profile, but no one would _know_.

*** * ***

He was _wrong_.

Grand-mère gave him an approving look when he showed up, like she appreciated that he was a believer. Eugene's faith was unwavering. It was there as a solid base for everything that he did. And he knew that the things that held him back were not related to an ancient creed. They had plenty to do with the future and the ones around him, not _the one_ above.

Alma asked him if he knew his way back home —they picked him up before the mass—. Eugene nodded and kissed both of them before he said goodbye. He felt good. Better than ever. He liked it when they smiled at him and told him that he should stick around. That they made a good couple. Eugene started to think the very same.

But things were about to get _ruined_.

They saw him in the very same moment he did.

And then he _froze_.

He wasn't even that far from Snafu's house, but they were waiting for him. They caught him and Eugene felt like he did something wrong.

He even felt the need to run away. To see a horde of paparazzi coming towards you was quite _intimidating_. Eugene took a step back and felt his heart hammering against his chest. His sunglasses weren't enough to hide who he was. In fact, they didn't even do a great job to hide his nose. For sure they wouldn't hide his fear or indentity, either.

His lips felt dry and he had to lick them. They were around him within _seconds_.

Eugene would have to suck it up if he wanted to make it to the house.

“Excuse me.” he said, walking once again. The more time he spends out there, the more footage they will have and the more questions they will be able to ask him.

“Eugene, over here!” they screamed from all over him.

Eugene looked down and regretted it was still September. He couldn't cover himself with his parka or a scarf. He brushed his hair, getting his hand in the way of his pictures, at least. And because he was mortified. He wanted to hide his face in shame.

“ _Do you confirm your relationship with Snafu, now?_ ”

He couldn't confirm something that he wasn't sure it even existed. They were getting to know each other. And he liked what he saw of Snafu. He liked the Merriell that was back home: calm and familiar. Someone that learned a lot from the toughest experience and that wanted to be with someone. Love and be loved in return.

And Eugene wanted to be the one that Snafu needed.

“ _Why did you lie?_ ”

He didn't lie. Back then he didn't know Snafu. Not really and now he did. Something could change with time and became true and still _not_ be a lie.

“Excuse me.” he repeated, once again, pushing a little forward. The lens of a camera bumped against his jaw. They didn't care about it and kept pushing. He felt suffocated and now his skin was turning red. “Could you give me some space, please?”

He felt as anxious as he did before a concert. If not more.

“ _How would you describe your relationship with Snafu?_ ”

In the end, while being on stage he only had to sing. And he was himself, but at the same time, he wasn't. He was part of a group. The singer, only. Here he was Eugene Sledge. The person that he was. And that the person he has been hiding for far too long.

“ _Is this press stunt to promote your albums?”_

The person they were forcing on the spotlight.

“ _Are you still in the closet?_ ”

The person that would be rejected, mocked and quickly forgotten.

He started to feel cold sweat covering his temples, his vision darkened a little bit around the corners of his eyes. He was far too aware of his heartbeat as it was right on his throat. God help him to keep that axiety inside of his chest until he makes it inside of the house. He didn't want to make a scene. He truly didn't want to be exposed as an insecure and ridiculous man.

“ _You are surely aware of all the relationships Snafu had, right?_ ”

Eugene wanted to be in control of his public image. Was that so hard to respect?

Was any of this necessary? There was no need to _harass_ someone like that. To push them to confess something they didn't want to share. Something they weren't even ready to admit.

“Can I just... Please, I—...” he couldn't even finish his sentences anymore. He lacked air.

The gate was right there. He slipped between two of them, almost getting hit once again by the cameras. He pressed the button of the door phone, focusing his eyes on his shoes and letting it ring for long enough so Snafu would understand that this was _urgent_.

“Yeah?” Snafu's voice sounded entertained, unaware of what was going on. In any other situation, Eugene would probably tease back.

“Merriell could you... open the gate? There's press outside and I n—”

He opened them right away.

When Snafu walked out of his house and saw Eugene surrounded by paparazzi, it was like seeing a small fawn being chased by fucking hyenas.

Or worse than that. Fucking _vultures_.

Eugene rushed towards the house. Snafu wanted to tell him to not show fear. To stay calm and take as much time as he would need to get there. But the truth was that he was aching to meet him halfway and wrap his arm around his shoulders; shield him from them.

But if he did that, they would get the picture they craved to sell and publish. And _he_ didn't mind. But Eugene did. So, for him, he stood there, on doorway, and waited.

He wanted to receive him with open arms. Instead, he closed the door as soon as he trepassed the threshold.

Eugene was pale, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted, panting for some air. Snafu could easily recognize a panic attack when he saw one. He kept himself from holding him tight, as he wanted to do. He needed to give him the illusion that he had plenty of space. That the room was not getting smaller and smaller each time.

“I need to go home... Oh, please, I ne— I have to... I _can't_. I can't stay here. I'm so— So, sorry. I didn't m—” he stuttered and grabbed his chest. Hyperventilating surely wouldn't make it any easier for his heart to calm down.

“Hey, c'mon. Red, c'mon, look at me.” he placed his hand on Eugene's shoulder, trying to sound as calm and as reassuring as possible. “There's nothin' to apologize for, okay? You did nothin' wrong. It's _not_ on you.”

“No, no, no. I can't be... I can't be seen doing this!” Doing what? He couldn't be walking down the street towards Snafu's house? That cage he was living in was becoming smaller and smaller each time. “The band! I'm going to... I'm...” he covered his face with his hands, only make it harder for himself to breathe. “It will be _over_!”

 _Over_.

It truly felt like it was over in that very moment.

**LOS ANGELES, SEPTEMBER 2016**

There was no way to calm him down. Snafu did as much as possible to try to make him understand that he did nothing wrong and that the band was truly not at risk. Leckie did far worse —both with boys and girls, in fact— and no one gave a rat's ass about it. They all assumed that rockstars would be a little _eccentric_. And Eugene was awfully reasonable and normal to be in that business. It wasn't even a scandal. It wasn't even something _incriminatory_.

But he was terrified of the backlash. He was scared of their reaction. It kept him from being rational. From taking this calmly, wisely. Understanding it was truly not the end of the world. But there was as much reject someone could deal with before crumbling down. Every single artist ached to be understood and accepted.

Hell, any _human_ did. Eugene was as desperate for validation as any other.

He called Eddie and booked him a flight for that same night.

Their manager suggested the idea to visit him and spend the night with him, knowing well that Eugene was probably freaking out. But Eugene refused to see anyone. He wanted to be alone in his flat. If he just shut Snafu out, for sure he would do the very same with any other that would try to speak to him.

This was a decision that had to be taken within.

Eugene was back in his cage. In his bedroom. In his little room that kept him away from _everything_. From pain, from judgment, from risking anything. But also kept him away from happiness, from truth and from freedom.

Isolation could be very protective but also very _lonely_.

His little lonely room.

He didn't take any calls even if those were from Eddie, Sid, Leckie and Mary.

No one was allowed to open the door and come in. Not even Snafu, who texted him as soon as he landed with a simply and yet overly tender: _take your time, red, i'll be waiting_.

But it wouldn't work out anymore, right?

If... If he had something serious with Snafu, everybody would know. They already knew and he didn't know at which point they were. And if people knew... Then his mother and his brother would know too. And they would the lock the door.

And door that has been closed for far too long.

It was impossible for Eugene to not have an ounce of hope to regain his family back, even if that was ruining his chance to be finally be happy.

To make things even worse and perhaps to have a little taste of pure _masochism_ , Eugene downloaded the Twitter app once again.

He searched his name and ignored the several online magazines and gossip websites links. He didn't want to read any of them. Last time it only managed to offend him. He only wanted to know what people thought. Those that, assumedly, cared about him as an artist. The ones that would also drop Leckie and Sid if he failed them.

 **@bluepaciific_** tweeted: _**Eugene Sledge**_ _: “Fellas, I'm gay” You fucking wackos: “I can't believe Snafu would do something like that!!1!”_

He never said he was gay. He never said _anything_.

People couldn't assume... People _shouldn't_ assume things. They should let people figure out things all by themselves, Eugene thought. And speak when they considered it was their time to do so, when they felt comfortable and when it would be _safe_ to do so.

But... There was something he didn't think about, there. He didn't want Snafu to bear the burden of being seen as someone who tried to trick Eugene into liking him. Or that forced him into a public relationship when that was far from the truth.

Snafu has been good to him. Other than the infamous song, he has been understanding and sweet. And now he was even unable to text him back.

 **@babybabybye** tweeted: _Now you are saying that you never liked_ _ **Eugene Sledge**_ _that much when two days ago he was like Jesus fucking Christ himself to you? Yeah, that's homophobia, Karen._

Once again, he didn't _confirm_ anything.

Nevertheless, this told him that there were people already distancing themselves from him and his work. For them, the suspicion of him being gay was enough of an excuse.

Others were far more direct than that.

 **@murraychad12** tweeted: _I think it's quite shameful that a catholic man is now playing these games. I expected better from_ _ **Eugene Sledge**_ _. This is embarrassing for all of us._

 _Embarrassing_.

It was not like he got caught drunk or naked. He was just walking. Staying at Snafu's house.

Eugene felt like he no longer had privacy. Like people spied on him while he has been at Snafu's. Like they saw everything they did and heard everything they said.

 **@tob_ghost** tweeted: _hate snafu. that guy is a FUCKING mess. he's gonna ruin_ _ **eugene sledge**_ _'s career. mark my words._

No. If something happens to his career, it's on him.

And in fact, if something happened to what he had with Snafu, it was also on him. He was always the guilty one. He was always the one that was too scared of doing things properly.

But what irked him the most was that Snafu was not a mess. He was far from being a mess. Snafu was a person that fought as much as he could to go back to a stability he lost as soon as he walked out of his house. Snafu was a familiar man, caring and loving. Perhaps a little crazy and loved to put on a show. But he was not a mess or a bad influence.

He wished that more people could know him as he did during those days he spent in his house.

And now... It was _over_.

 **@xxdollparts** tweeted: _Uuuuuh, you all surprised because_ _ **Eugene Sledge**_ _might not be straight?? You all heard Rara Avis, right? Like?? A gay anthem???_

That was... _fair_ , actually.

With lyrics like _Is there a place where no man hates us, the strange birds? There must be another way to learn to fly. Other than disappearing, other than drifting away. Is the sky any different? Is it more accepting?_ it was only normal to assume it could become a little symbolic.

Maybe that was Eugene's sould aching to break free. Say the things he kept as an uncomfortable silence for far too long.

 **@lovelybelle** tweeted: _watch SNAFU cheat on_ _ **eugene sledge**_ _in less than three days_

 _Bullshit_. _Fucking bullshit_.

Eugene quickly scrolled down, not wanting to even finish reading that hideous tweet.

But then came an opinion that, _maybe_ , gave him some hope.

 **@babaviera** tweeted: _I'm the only one who is quite happy this might be real?_ _ **Eugene Sledge**_ _looks like a lovely dude to me. Snafu was in rehab and while (1/5)_

_he didn't speak much about it, I bet my ass that one of the issues that didn't help with his drug abuse was the toxic people he used to hang out with. (2/5)_

_Why are you all so fucking bothered? Don't you want your fave to be happy? He deserves to be around good people. And what? You are mad, because it's not you? (3/5)_

_Or because it's a guy? Eugene is not even the first guy Snafu dates. WHERE is the problem? I saw interviews of Sledge and (4/5)_

_he looks like he's the sweetest guy on planet Earth. You BREATHE in his direction and I will kick your fucking ass (5/5)_

That made him smile a little bit.

He knew he shouldn't rely on strangers' opinions about him. Leckie told him, from the very beginning, that he should only try to please himself. Live his life by his own terms. Eugene tried to learn from him, since he seemed to know everything about being a celebrity when he met him. Curiously, it was the very same thing Sid told him ever since they were children.

He continued to scroll down and he saw less and less reasons to keep that smile on his lips.

*** * ***

Eugene spent a whole week without talking with anyone.

He ignored Snafu's texts — _i'm so sorry please, let me know if you are okay?_ —, they made him want to cry. They made him think that he could still be there, with him. Or maybe he was already back to Los Angeles, waiting for Eugene to give him a signal so he could come over and check on him.

Sid's texts were far tougher. He has been his best friend for decades. He didn't need to show any sort of tenderness when he did this — _You are back on your bullshit? Shutting people out? Love it_ —. Eugene knew it was a terrible habit and that locking himself in his flat not only hurt him but the ones that cared about him.

Leckie's aimed to be positive, or at least hope to make him smile — _Johnny Reb is losing his marbles over here, call him so I won't end up bald by only listening to him_ —. Leckie was the eldest of the group, and even if he claimed to be the far more irresponsible one, he always did his best to look after the other two. Eugene appreciated it, truly.

Mary's were the most cautious of them all — _If you need to talk to someone, you know I'm here, Eugene_ —. No. No he didn't _want_ to talk to her. Because she would tell Sid. And he didn't want to face the rest of the band. He felt like he let them down. That he was ruining this. And maybe he was, now, by having that attitude.

And maybe, to try to be still a little responsible, he only spoke to Eddie through the phone. He didn't usually text. That always made him think about Eddie as a proper adult.

“We are worried, Eugene.”

“I know... I just... I don't want to talk to anyone.” _I don't want to be seen. I don't to feel anyone's eyes on me ever again_.

“You know you have a _team_ to back you up, right? You don't have to talk if you don't have to.”

Eugene stayed in silence. A team couldn't fix his personal life, could they? It was up to him.

“If you want me to cancel what we had planned for October...” he began.

“No.” he shook his head. He truly wanted to stay in his room until the very end of his days. Avoid responsibility. Feel safe and sad as he was. “...When should I show up?”

Eddie sighed. “I'll tell Sid and Leckie to visit you. This is stupid.”

“No, Eddie, please. I truly d—”

“You can't possibly face the press when you can barely talk to them, can you?”

“Well...”

“We are going to keep pushing forward, Eugene. It's your life, alright? You decide where you put the limit.” It truly didn't feel like that. “But if you want to be in a band, you are going to have to let them in. Talk to them. Let them know where you stand. They'll have your back as you had theirs, in the past. Alright?”

“...Alright.”

“Okay. I'll see the three of you tomorrow morning at my office. We'll decide how are we going to act and what are we going to do, okay?”

“Yes, okay.”

“And, Eugene?”

“Yeah?”

“...As a personal experience,” Eddie began with a softer tone. With a far more compassionate voice. “it gets less scary once you let it all out.”

Eugene licked his lips and bit the lower one. His whole face got warm and his eyes a little moist.

“So I heard.” he whispered.

“Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Eugene took a shower, not wanting to greet his bandmates with greasy hair. He couldn't do much with the circles under his eyes. In that moment he regretted not having any makeup in his flat. Not that he used it, personally, but once you saw the wonders it did before a concert or interview, you kind of missed it.

As he walked out of his bathroom, he saw the both of them already there, on his bed. Sid was holding both sheets of paper. Leckie was playing his guitar and Sid sang the lyrics — _And the walls are closing on me. I can hear them having fun, singing and laughing without me. How would it be to live in a full house, with joy and lights? All I have is my lonely, lonely room_ —. It sad and hopeless and he didn't want Sid to sound like that. _Ever_. That was the Eugene that he was, not the one he wanted to be. The one he wanted to be would proudly sing about love. About his voice wanting to become a symbol of what he felt for Snafu.

“Privacy, ever heard about it?” Eugene huffed, snatching the papers away from Sid's hands.

“We are a band, Eugene.” he replied. “Even if you don't seem to care, _lately_.”

“I care.”

“Oh, really? You have a funny way to show it.” Sid frowned.

“Hey, slow down.” Leckie placed a hand on Sid's shoulder and squeezed. Eugene knew that Leckie's favourite was Sid. It was fine, Sid was also his favourite. That didn't mean he couldn't act like a complete idiot, sometimes. “Let him talk. You can bitch later.”

Eugene rubbed his nose. “I'm _sorry_.” he began.

“What for?” Leckie encouraged him to continue.

“The... whole Snafu thing. I didn't think... I went to church and when I walked back to his house...” he explained. “I shouldn't have gone with him.”

“You are sorry for _that_?” Sid arched an eyebrow. “Not for not texting back to us?”

“Well... _Yes_.” Eugene nodded.

“What a com— Leckie, he is an _idiot_.” Sid huffed, exasperated.

“He might be a little bit of an idiot, yeah.” Leckie grinned and wrapped his arm around Sid's shoulders. “We _don't_ care about that.” Both of them well quite aware of his sexuality. Eugene told Sid when he dated Rob and Leckie... Well. He figured it out. And once again, Sid was a snitch. So he might have confirmed it.

“You don't?”

“They have pictures of his _ass_.”

“And they have a video of Sid throwing a tantrum over a _hamburger_.” Leckie sounded very accusative.

Sid merely shrugged. If he got hungry, he kind of lost his manners.

“The thing is that they have all those things. And we are still here. You are in love with Snafu? Okay, not the end of the world.” Sid mumbled. “Even _if_ I don't like the guy. He doesn't know my name!”

“He does, but he pretends he doesn't.”

“That's even _worse_ , Eugene.”

“Yes... It probably is...”

Sid kept his blue eyes on Eugene. The redhead looked down, knowing the question he was about to ask him. So he waited until he heard it: “Are you in love or it's just...?” he made a vague move with his hand.

Leckie made an interested noise and also looked at him.

Eugene rubbed his face with both hands. “Uh...” this was not much better than being surrounded by paparazzi, was it? “I might be.”

Sid blinked and scratched his neck. “You have a terrible taste.”

“Snafu is a good man.” Leckie hushed him. “And handsome.”

“A bug-eyed bastard man, at best.”

Eugene frowned a little bit. “Watch it.” he liked his eyes. He _loved_ Snafu's eyes.

“Are you dating?” it was Leckie's turn to get noisy.

Eugene shook his head. “I kind of... freaked out and fled.”

“Oh, _smooth_.” Leckie whistled.

The singer sighed and sat down on the bed with them. He played with his ring and bounced his knees up and down. “Did I ruin it? It feels like I ruined it. He keeps texting me, but I don't... I don't know what to say! I'm... I can't come out, can I? It would be... For the band, it wouldn't be _good_.” He was the singer. And catholic. And his family... He couldn't. He just _couldn't_.

“If you are worried about the band, don't be. That's your private life. It has nothing to do with us.” Leckie replied. _Don't let it be the excuse_ , he tried to say.

When Eugene raised his head again, he saw that Sid was using his phone. “Hey, no! Don't do that!”

Sid leaned back and could send the text before Eugene recovered his phone.

 **You sent at 4:12 PM:** _I'm okay but I need some time to think what I want and how I want to do this. Is that alright?_

“Sid!” he gasped.

“Oh, shut up! Don't scold me for doing the right thing!”

 **Merriell Shelton (Snafu) texted you at 4:13 PM:** _alright, red. take all the time u need. love u, bby_

Eugene let out a shaky breath.

 _Oh, boy_.

*** * ***

A week after their reunion, they had an interview on the radio.

In the end, they released a new song a little less than a month ago, and they haven't publicized it properly or even recorded it on the studio. It was about time to start working again and Eugene had to deal with the song he composed during the summer. Now, during fall, it became a little bit of an uncomfortable story. But he wanted to be _that_ Eugene, again. The one that sang about love. About a love that was real and that he was _feeling_.

Sid bitched during all the way to the radio station, saying that he wasn't going to sit there and _simply_ sing backing vocals. He got everybody on their nerves. Even their driver, Joe Liebgott, rubbed his temples. Eugene could relate to the temptation to just want to crash the car.

So, in the end, Sid got away with wanting to play the guitar. Leckie set the pace by shaking the tambourine and hitting it lightly against his thigh. Eugene hated singing without his guitar. Without his shield. Then he remembered what Snafu tried to show him. But he couldn't really do that now, could he? This was an acoustic version. In a radio studio. He would have to confront his own lyrics, with no oppulence that could cover what he said.

“ _I never minded being on my own, this temple is yet to be defiled_.” It already starts pretty damn hard. Eugene usually sang about big empty houses. About temples that were lonely. He lived in small rooms and sad cages. He felt like he was hiding within himself. How would it be to reveal everything about yourself and be accepted? How would that feel like? “ _But then I heard your voice, preaching to the crowd and making the angels want to look around_.” He missed Snafu's voice. He missed sitting down by his side on the piano, hear him play and mess around with him. He missed the way he moaned his name on his ear when he was inside of him. He missed the way he called him _Red_ , _cher_ , _boo_ , _sugar_ or whatever that crossed his mind. “ _There's so much I'm missing out_.” He could be with him and he is _not_.

It helped him a little when Sid and Leckied sang the chorus with him. “ _But how hard it is to resist your glowing skin?_ ” he could remember so vividly how Snafu made out his concert the most indecent proposal he could think about. One that Eugene gladly accepted. “ _You want to find shelter in me? Come to my welcoming arms, we'll both start singing our secret psalms_.” He like a liar for promissing something he didn't offer to him. And to think he would have to sing the chorus two times more...

“ _Saturdays nights and Sundays mornings, pacific winds are shaking the roof over my head_.” Now he knew what it was to go to bed with Snafu during a Saturday morning and to go to church the following Sunday morning. If it wasn't for the paparazzi, it would have been divine. “ _Pale columns that can't possibly keep standing, when you look at me with those pleading eyes_.” Perhaps he did regret writing that now. It was truly not that complicated to decode, was it? But then... He remembered how much he enjoyed it. How much he liked it. Something inside of him told him to call Snafu. To dare. See how it comes out.

Little did Eugene know that Snafu was listening to him. He wasn't there, of course. But his earplugs kept him from hearing the banter between Leyden and Jay. Eugene approached his lips to the microphone a little more and his voice was still over Leckie and Sid's. Snafu got goosebumps. He missed him so much. So much it was starting to destroy him.

What if this was simply too much for him? What if waiting was just a way to stretch the time before rejection?

“ _From miles away, any man is a false idol, it's your spirit that I truly want_.” Eugene could have whatever he wanted from him. He could have his flesh, his bones, his blood. His soul, his mind, his heart. Everything that he wanted would be his. Already was. “ _There's no humiliation in honesty, can't help but listen to my heart_.” That last verse made him sigh deep and sad. He even covered his eyes with his hand, leaning his head heavily against it. He didn't need to look up to recognize the warmth and weight by his side. Burgie's silent comfort was always the one he appreciated the most.

Eugene sang the chorus for the very last time and leaned back. He looked down and noticed that he felt terribly sad. _Miserable_ , even. This is what he wanted to be. This was what he got to be for a little while. This was not what he was.

He felt like an _impostor_.

They started with the interview. Eugene still had a bitter taste on his throat.

He was never the most talkative one. He let Leckie handle interviews. He was far more entertaining to listen to. Eugene usually smiled, agreed or chuckled when they said something stupid. Today, he looked a little absent. If they don't notice, even better.

And, in the end, Eddie told them that they wouldn't be asked personal questions. And that was totally aimed at Eugene's situation.

“Eugene, you look a little distracted, today.” said the interviewer.

“I don't have much to say.” he smiled, briefly.

“You always fall a little behind, don't you? You are not the typical frontman.”

“I don't... see myself as a frontman. I just sing.” Because that's it. That's what he does: sing. It was not like he was important or anything. Or like he was worth that much attention about what happened around him.

“Is that why you never show up in your music videos?” he pushed the issue a little bit.

“None of us is all that interested in music videos.” Sid interrupted them. “We like the style we are going for. We don't have to be the protagonists _all the time_.”

“Far less work.” Leckie hummed with a shrug.

“You don't like being on the spotlight, Eugene?”

Oh, this is not going to end up well, is it?

Eugene licked his lips and replied, dry: “ _No_.”

“Then how are you feeling, lately, with all of this attention? People are desperate to get some sort of _statement_ from you.” and he clearly he wanted to have that.

Eugene looked at him. The man's lips stretched in a disgusting smile. A smile that reeked of money and fame. He absolutely hated it. That was his life they were talking about. That was... Not part of any game.

“I'm sorry,” Leckie spoke. “I'm not sure what we are talking about anymore.”

“I'd like to get to the bottom of this. It feels a little _weird_ that Eugene was never involved with _anyone_ before, and now, suddenly, he is seen in New Orleans, with Snafu and after these... exchange of songs.” there was a little pause. “Is this some sort of promotion for a future album together, maybe?”

Eugene continued to look at him, barely blinking, but not saying anything.

“This is absolutely ridiculous.” Sid said, looking around and trying to find Eddie with his eyes.

“Are you in touch with your family, Eugene? I heard some rumors about the fact that you don't h—”

He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't do this. They tried to contact his mother and brother? Oh. They killed his last chance to ever have them back, didn't they? Eugene parted his lips and for a moment he thought he would make himself small on his chair and cry like a child. But instead, he whispered: “This is not _right_.” he shook his head. “This is not _fair_.”

“We agreed there wouldn't be any personal questions.” Sid accused the interviewer as Eddie stepped inside of the studio.

“The interview is over.” the manager said, walking towards the band.

Sid stormed out of the studio, keeping himself from getting angry. He didn't want to say something he was dying to scream while being on air. Leckie reached out to grab Eugene's shoulder when the redhead stood up and put his hands over the desk in front ov the interviewer. “This is not _fucking_ okay. There are _limits_ , you know? There should be.”

“I'm just doing my job, here.”

Eugene parted his lips but Eddie helped Leckie to make Eugene take a step back. They got him out of the studio and what was waiting for them on the street was not any better.

They quickly got surrounded by cameras and everybody was trying to get their microphones in Eugene's mouth. Why was pushing someone out of the closet such a media circus?

In that very moment, he regretted not having a bodyguard. Eddie and Leckie were still by his side. Sid was in front of them, shoving the people around them aside so they could make it to the car. Liebgott, skinny as he was, got involved and helped Sid. He opened the door of the car and they allowed Eugene to get inside first. Sid was glued to his side, wrapping his arm around him, tightly.

“They know! They told them! It's _over_ , Sid! I'll never have them back!” Eugene panted in the very same way as he did back in Snafu's. The fear wouldn't let him live. And now the certainty was twisting his very soul. He didn't have a family anymore. The car started to move and Eugene didn't breathe any better when he didn't hear people slamming their hands and cameras against the windows. “I tried to not be... like _this_.” To not be with anyone. To not be with a _man_. To atone. To become this sort of shell, a man that was not allowed to love just to earn his family back.

That was such a high price that should not be demanded by anyone. And in fact, his mother or brother never told him to do such thing. The only gave him silence. This was Eugene's desperate attempt to have them back.

“Eugene.” Sid cupped Eugene's face to make him look at him. “Listen to me.” he said, firmly. “...They are not in your life.” they had that discussion in May. “They don't want you in their lives.”

Eugene furrowed his eyebrows and a few tears fell down his eyes. Yes, he knew. But maybe if... if things were... easier to hide or repress, then, maybe...

“You don't have to _do_ anything to earn their love. You don't have to _sacrifice_ anything for people that don't want to talk to you.” Sid was not trying to be mean or hurtful. But he knew Eugene's family better than anyone. They would never accept Eugene's sexuality. And they would never give him a second chance. What Eugene was doing was keeping himself away from happiness for a _what if_ that didn't even exist. “You don't owe the ones that won't accept you a single fucking thing, Eugene.”

Yeah, that was perfectly logical. But it was hard for him to move on.

“...I don't want to be alone.” Eugene whispered, _heartbroken_. He wanted a family. He wanted people he could trust. He wanted people he could have dinner with during Christmas and birthdays. He wanted to buy presents for those he cared about. He wanted to be part of their special days, see them success and grow. He wanted to love and be loved in return.

Sid pressed his lips and pulled Eugene into a hug. “You are not.” he whispered against his shoulder. “You are not. You are my _brother_ , you are not alone.”

Eugene squeezed his eyes shut and cried as Sid held him and Leckie caressed his hair in the backseat of the car.

Not even Eddie's phone could break the moment, nor him whispering: “Andy, hey. This is not the right moment. I'll call you later, okay?” he quickly ended the call before Eugene could hear that, on the other side, there was a Snafu pretty much screaming and ready to do something stupid and reckless. They heard the interview.

*** * ***

Eddie told them that they would take it easy this month.

After this, he wanted to plan things far more carefully. Clearly, they wouldn't be doing any interviews by now. And avoid public appearances, by now. He suggested going to the studio and finally recording _Corinthians_. Eugene asked for a break. He couldn't keep up with all of that, at the moment. He needed to go back to his little room, take a deep breath and see what he wanted to do. The strength and courage he felt while singing banished as soon as he was asked about his family. He believed Sid. He always had him, but... Sid would get married, soon.

And he wanted to have... someone for him. He wanted to live his life happy as he could be.

With Snafu, if possible.

But he was still scared. And he didn't want to give Snafu false hopes. He didn't want to run away once again. Eugene wanted to be careful and take the good choice. But he also felt like he needed someone's guidance.

Someone that would know Snafu better than anyone and that could tell him how to handle this and still be able to keep him in his life.

 _Alma_.

Eugene laid down on the bed. The ashtray on his nighstand was full. He didn't have any cigarettes left to smoke.

He hoped that speaking with the woman would soothe him more than nicotine did.

“Hello?”

“Alma, it's me, Eugene.”

“I know, Ange.” her voice, only, made Eugene want to cry. “Talk to me.” Alma was used to deal with her son, who bottled things up as much as Eugene did. In a complete different way, but just as protective of his own feelings as the redhead.

“Merriell told you what happened...?” he tested the waters, first. Maybe she was mad at him for leaving her son in New Orleans so abruptly. For him not talking to Snafu properly.

“I'm aware. But we can talk about 'im later.”

“Alright...” he whispered. “I didn't know who else I could call so, I...”

“Don't apologize, Ange. Just tell me how you feel, okay?”

Eugene rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes, feeling that they were already becoming teary once again. “I'm _terrified_.” he confessed. “Of what people are going to think... Of what they think, already.” because everything was out, now. Without him wanting to. “Of... Of... my mother and my brother...” he couldn't finish the sentence.

“They don't know?” she asked, carefully.

“I told them a few years ago, but they didn't... like it.” Eugene tried to explain the situation. “And they asked me to leave so... I did, but I thought that... maybe if I became successful and... didn't... and tried to not... fall in love, then... That then they would... _maybe_... want me back.”

“Oh, Ange...” she whispered.

“I just... want my family to love me, Alma.” Eugene's voice broke. “And I tried my best, but they don't talk to me. They don't think about me. And I can't stop thinking about them...” he sobbed. “I do miss being part of something. I miss having a family so much, I don't want to be alone. I'm so tired of being alone. And quiet. And sad. And away from everybody because I am scared they might notice.”

“It's so sad to hear you say that, Ange. And so unfair... Sweet and good as you are. You know we loved havin' you around, don't you? Oh, my boy, don't cry...” she whispered when he heard him sniff. “Tell you what, Eugene, you are not alone. But you can't do this any longer, cher. Not anymore. These years... You haven't been happy for a very long time. You don't have to change a thing. Ain't nothin' wrong with you. And you don't have to change to please the ones that should love you unconditionally. I think you are perfectly loveable as you are, Ange. No need to pretend.”

Those words Alma was speaking were the very same ones Eugene was desperate to hear from his mother's lips when he came out. Mary Frank cried, disappointed and like Eugene betrayed her. And that forced him back inside, terrified and doubtful.

“I'm sorry...”

“You don't have to do that. You were scared. Sometimes we don't take good decisions when we are scared.” she was comforting him and Eugene would want her to be there so she could hold him. “But remember this, Eugene: You can talk to me. You can talk to my Merry. You know you can do that. He _loves_ you. He loves you so much.” she knew better than anyone when her son was in love. And when he saw in his eyes when Eugene was around made Alma feel calm. Pleased. Her son deserved love. And so did Eugene. They found each other, wasn't that beautiful?

“I don't know what to say. I'm not ready yet.” he truly wasn't. He didn't want to lose his chance because he got desperate.

“Why don't you take a little time to figure out? It's an important decision. You gotta think about it clearly.”

“If you could... tell him? To wait?” Eugene licked his lips. He began to clean his cheeks. “I promise I will give him an answer. I'll do... something about it. But if he could only wait...”

“Ange, I feel like my Merry would wait centuries for you. Once again, he _loves_ you.”

“Well, Alma...” he sighed. “The thing is that I love him as well.”

And that came out far more smoothly than he thought it would.

Maybe with a little time, he would be able to say it to the man. Or even in front of a crowd. But by now, Alma would be the only one to hear such.

*** * ***

Eugene knew what he wanted to be.

Eugene knew that he was far better, as a person and as an artist, when he allowed himself to go through his feelings. Express them, understand them, _accept_ them. When he composed _Corinthians_ , Leckie and Sid _loved_ it. _Lonely Room_ was discovered by the both of them when Eugene was in the shower, last week, and no had no impact on them while they sang it. But it had an impact on Eugene. And it was _reject_. He didn't want someone he cared about to sing that kind of song because it implied shame and insolation.

He forced himself to stay in the living room. Eugene laid down on the couch and drummed his fingers over his stomach. If he... came out, _officially_ , most people would know him as being _Snafu's latest lover_.

Was that a good title to have? Well, yes. To be seen as the one that earned the love of someone else should be something good. Something to be proud of. On the other hand, he didn't want to be reduced to _only_ that. He didn't to be only a lover. He wanted to be a singer. A good person. Maybe someone people could look up to? Not because he wanted to become a role model. He was truly not that good. He would have to be a person with a _pristine reputation_. But more like... a little hope for those who couldn't find their way out of their own silence.

He would have wanted to have someone like that in his life. To think: _well, if it worked out for them, it will surely will work out for me_.

And not only that. His own religion encouraged him to do such, right? _Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen_.

That would be nice.

But then there was something far more selfish inside of him. _Let me be free_ , it kept whispering.

Eugene sighed and closed his eyes. He began to think about Snafu. And curiously, what came to his head was the melody that Snafu created for him. Eugene sighed and let it lull him. Such sweet melody. _Only for him_.

Abruptly, Eugene jumped off the couch and rushed to grab his guitar, paper and a pen.

The one that began to compose than song was the Eugene he wanted to be.

**NOVEMBER, 2016**

“How are you doing?” Burgie asked as he took the toy car his son gave him.

 _I'm completely and utterly fucked, Burgie_ , Snafu wanted to say. “Not great.” Little Jack was there and he was not allowed to curse.

“He hasn't called you, yet?” He raised his eyebrows.

“My mother spoke to him. Well. He called my mom... Like three weeks ago.” Snafu leaned forward and picked Little Jack, sitting him down on his lap. He needed to be comforted and the little boy would have to deal with Snafu's overly clingy nature. “He said that he loved me, y'know?”

“He did?” Burgie grinned.

Little Jack snickered, thinking that it was beyond embarrassing for someone to be in love. He was five and love was yucky as it could be.

“Yeah...” he looked down at the little boy and pressed a kiss against his golden curls. “It's makin' it even worse, though.”

“How so?”

“He is in love with me. And I am in love with him. But it's this... _nasty_ situation what keeps us from bein' togehter. It's frustratin' and I almost punched a pap two days ago.” Snafu was very close to cross his line. Burgie still remembered the rage in his best friend's voice when they heard how an interviewer pushed Eugene answer questions that didn't have anything to do with music.

“That's not okay, uncle Snaf.” Little Jack chastised him. His parents always told him that he should never hit anyone. And that if someone bothered him in school, he should tell the teacher right away.

“I know.” he sighed and nodded. “But I didn't!”

“ _Good_.” he was right even if as a boy he didn't know much. In fact, he didn't even know his own name. When Florence said that she was going to name her son _John Ferdinand_ , no one was too happy about it. Snafu bitched about it in private and Burgie told him that he didn't really have the guts to deny his wife _anything_ after spending almost of eight hours giving birth to their son. Burgie, someone who had two names so stupidly ridiculous that had to go by his own surname.

Snafu truly felt like a savior when he gave the baby a nickname that everybody accepted right away to save the kid from the shame of ever knowing the truth.

“So what's your plan, now?” Burgie dared to interrupt them with a common sense.

“Keep waitin' until he calls me.” Snafu shrugged. “I'm gonna get that boy, Burgie. I _swear_ to God. And if he wants me to wait... Ain't got nothin' better to do.”

“You say you are gonna get that boy and I believe you, Snaf.” Burgie replied without a doubt. “You are one abrasive...” _bastard_ “man. He wouldn't be able to resist you even _if_ he wanted.”

Snafu was about to say something when his phone started to ring. He quickly returned the boy to his father and Burgie looked at him, curiously. It would be too much of a coincidence if that was Sledge.

“Who is it?” he couldn't help but ask.

“Don't know.” Snafu replied as he picked the call, anyway. “Yeah?”

“Shelton?”

“That's me. Who is this?”

“Sid.”

Snafu looked at Burgie from the corner of his eyes and grinned. “Sid...?” the guitarist shook his head, amused.

“Oh, my God. Sid _Phillips_.”

“I don't t—”

“Cut it out, I swear to God. Cut it out, it's already _insufferable_. Cut it out or I will hang the phone and you won't be seeing Eugene any time soon.” Sid talked very fast but managed to get Snafu's attention.

“What about my boy?” Snafu frowned and even stood from the couch.

“Nothing. It's his birthday. _Tomorrow_. Leckie and I planned a party for him and everything. He is going to turn thirty. It's a big deal.”

“That's _wonderful_.”

“You truly are an asshole, aren't you?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Great. That's just... _fantastic_. Listen to me. I don't like you. I feel like I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I don't like you at all. And I'll regret this when Eugene brings you everywhere and I have to deal with you for many years to come, but Eugene is like my brother, okay? I know him. He loves you. _Moving on_.”

“Movin' on from what?”

“From unavoidable doom that will be to have you around. So. Come to the party. With some luck, you'll two talk and _this_ ” he stressed the word. “will be over. He won't stop overthinking. It's driving me insane.”

“So you are doin' this for yourself.”

“A little bit. For the both of us. Come to the party?”

“I don't think he wants to see me, Sid Phillips.”

“Oh, that's not true. He talks about you, he sings about you, he thinks about you... But that's Eugene we are talking about. He is so slow. With everything! He sucks at taking decisions. I know, I've been around since he was _six_.”

“Right.” Snafu frowned a little bit.

“All I am asking is for you to come over. Talk with him. Just... make him happy. We can't do much more than this. And he deserves _better_. It's up to you, Shelton.”

 _Well, fuck_. He couldn't just tell him that and not expect him to show up.

“Right, tell me the place and the time, then.”

*** * ***

“We are still pretending you don't know where you are taking me, Joe?” Eugene asked.

“You have to look really surprised when you arrive.” Liebgott replied from the front seat.

“Yeah, what else could it be? It's my _birthday_.”

“Could be something bad.”

“Now, _that_ 's the spirit.” Eugene snorted, smiling a little bit. This month of peace helped him so much. The media stepped back a little bit: they had plenty of other things to _investigate_. He had the time and the intimacy to see what he wanted. And he kind of took a decision. But he was still planning how to reach out for Snafu. What he could say to him. Maybe he was also a little bit scared of his reaction. In the end, it's been a little more than a month of nothing but silence.

If he was in his position, he would be pretty mad about it.

Eugene promised himself to call him tomorrow morning. As he has been doing for the past week.

When the car stopped, Eugene asked: “Are you sure you don't want to stay for a while? Have a drink?”

“No way, this party seems like it's going to be a little too fancy for me.” Liebgott shook his head and turned on his seat to look at Eugene. “Wanna tell you something, first.”

“Okay.” Eugene smiled, thinking that their driver was about to wish him a happy birthday.

He slipped his hand inside of his jacket and pulled out a card.

Eugene frowned a little bit but took it.

It was a business card.

“My husband is a journalist. And if I say so myself, he's also a pretty damn good writer. A little presumptuous but...” he shrugged with one shoulder. “My point is... If you ever want to make a statement. If you ever want to say something... Call him. He won't twist it. He might be a ridiculous man more often than not, but he is very honest.”

Eugene blinked and looked down at it once again.

 _David Webster_.

A smile appeared over his lips as he began to nod. “I will keep it in mind, Joe. Thank you.”

“No problem. Have a good night. And happy birthday.”

Eugene patted his shoulder before he walked out of the car. He made sure to put the business card in his wallet. Yeah, that could be a good idea, right? To do this with someone he knew he could trust. Joe was a good man. He wouldn't trick him.

Then, he took a deep breath and practiced his surprised face.

Not that Sid could surprise him, anymore.

But Eugene was absolutely _wrong_.

*** * ***

It's barely been an hour since the party started and Sid was already _wasted_.

“Eugene.” the redhead tried his best to not smile when he slurred his name. Sid's eyes were glassy and his cheeks all warm. His forehead and curls all moist as he pressed it against Eugene's. He cupped his face with both hands and, at least, he was not trying to drink another one. Which was reasonable. Mary and Leckie laughed not very far from them. “You are my best friend. My _fucking_ brother.” the drunk convinction in his eyes made Eugene chuckle. “You deserve the best. You hear me? _The best_.”

“Thank you, Sid.” he snickered.

“And I... God knows Snafu is so far from being the best... _anything_ on this bitch of an Earth.” he began and Eugene didn't pay much attention to him or what he was saying. The music was pretty loud, the purple lights only made him look more ridiculous. “But I respect what you want... I respect _you_.” Sid wouldn't let him look away. “So I cut your bullshit. Because you are overthinking again. So... I did it for you.”

Then Eugene frowned. “Did what for me?”

“I invited him! And he just arrived!” Sid smiled, so wide. “I don't know what he said to me. He is so annoying. But... You _love_ him. I'll suck it up. It's _fine_!”

Eugene blinked and his mouth turned all dry. “... _Sid_.”

“No need to thank me.” he pressed a sloppy kiss against Eugene's cheek before he released him.

Then, he saw _him_.

Of course, Snafu was dying of jealousy across the dancefloor.

Sid Phillips greeted him while being absolutely drunk and told him to wait. That he would convince Eugene to want to talk to him. So Snafu stood there, awkwardly, staring at the two boys . And well. Yeah, of course he was a little envious because Phillips was very close to Eugene. He wouldn't try to kiss him, right? The night won't end up too well if he is the kind to start kissing people when he gets drunk.

But then Eugene looked back at him and Snafu tensed slightly. He swallowed. For a moment, Snafu could swear that this was what happened in films. When everything slowed down and the music was almost angelic —even if he couldn't recognize what was playing anymore—. Yeah, maybe he was very much in love or about to have a seizure, but when Eugene looked at him, the world got a little bit clearer.

And he absolutely had the right to be that corny because he has been without the boy for almost seven weeks.

That's a lot for him.

But Eugene was still with Sid Phillips, not moving. What if he gets kicked out? What if Eugene finally tells him that he doesn't want anything with him?

The situation was so nerve-wracking that he didn't notice the blood streaming down his nose until he could taste it over his upper lip. “Shit, fuck, fuck!”

Sometimes, when he got really nervous or stressed, his blood vessels dilated and the hole he had on his nose truly did not help with that. Snafu pinched his nose and quickly rushed to the bathroom; a fancy thing with black marble and lights as purple as the ones on the dancefloor.

He tilted his head back and grabbed as much toilet paper as he could and covered his nose with it. Perfect timing. No, seriously. His perfect movie moment got ruined and now he was stuck in the bathroom until he would manage to control his nosebleed.

You'd think your life stops being embarrassing when you become a rockstar.

Snafu leaned against the wall and sighed. At least this gave him some time to think. See what he could say to Eugene. And be ready for anything that the boy would want to do. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds but immediately opened them again when he heard the door opening. _Oh, well. Here it comes_.

“Merriell?” Eugene called his name as he walked inside the bathroom.

Snafu waved pathetically from his spot, not being able to move much.

“Let me help you with that.”

“It's fine, Red. Happens all the time.” he shrugged, playing it cool enough considering the whole situation.

Eugene pried the toilet paper from him and threw it away. He cupped the back of Snafu's neck and pressed some more clean toilet paper against his nose. At least he didn't get it wet. The feeling was absolutely nasty.

Snafu looked down at him, with his chin still tilted up. He could mostly see Eugene's forehead, eyes and nose bridge.

The redhead caught him look at him and breathing lightly through his mouth. He smiled and said: “Hey.”

Snafu licked his upper lip, that still tasted a little bit like copper. He didn't know what to do with his hands. “Hi.” he replied.

“I am sorry for not texting you, I was... all over the place.” he kept doing that. He kept making him wait and ignoring him. And Eugene wished he could handle things a little better. But... He was trying. _Honestly_.

“You don't have to apologize to me, Gene.”

“Yes. Yes, I have to. You've been waiting and respecting my decision. I apologize.” Eugene insisted, stubbornly.

Snafu blinked and continued to look at him. Little he knew that he would be willing to go through Hell just for a little attention from him, right? Anything Eugene would want to do, would be enough for Snafu. Anything he wanted to give him, he would treasure it like it was the most precious thing he ever had.

“And thank you for coming.” Eugene added, trying to sound a little casual.

“You turned _thirty_. That's a big deal.”

“Yeah, don't remind me. I already hate it.” he smiled a little bit.

“It's not so bad. I have a couple of years of experience.” Snafu would turn thirty-two in January. He already became unbearably soft. Even more since he met Eugene. It was ridiculous. “But you'll start wanting to party less and babysit more.”

“I have never been one for parties. I told Sid to not organize anything. I think he only wanted an excuse to get drunk.”

Snafu hummed and decided to be a little bit of an asshole: “And talking about Sid Phillips... Am I the only one who thinks that Leckie wants to di—”

Eugene knew where he was heading with that questions. “If you care about my mental health, you _won't_ finish that sentence.”

“—dick him down?” Snafu grinned.

He was impossible. Impossible and absolutely inssuferable. “They are _friends_. Sid has a girlfriend.”

Snafu sighed a little bit and whispered: “I bet his girlfriend pegs the Hell out of him.”

“You are so weird and I haven't missed _that_ about you.”

Snafu took a couple of seconds to answer: “As long as you missed everything else...”

Eugene looked down and smiled. He was so fucking cute when he got all bashful.

“ _Maybe_.”

He wasn't bleeding as much so Eugene threw to the toiled paper away for the second time. And if Snafu thought that his torture was over, he was absolutely wrong because Eugene stuffed his nostrils with some more paper.

“Are you even serious?” Snafu huffed.

Eugene chuckled and nodded. “This would make a perfect scene for a biopic, Merriell. Just the great and infamous Snafu with his toilet paper coming out of his nose.”

“What makes you think they'd wanna focus on anythin' else that it's not the drugs and the scandalous sex?”

Eugene tilted his head to the side and arched his eyebrows. There was a little bit of jealousy on his hazel eyes and Snafu was _thrilled_. “You'd leave me out of your biopic?”

“I'd leave you for the very end of it. As my happy ending.”

That was sweet. That was very sweet and Eugene was only human. He bit his lower lip and sighed. He didn't want to miss this because he was scared. He didn't want to pass this chance because he might get in contact with his family again. Snafu was quickly becoming far more important than his brother and his mother were.

He wrapped his arms around Snafu and hugged him. The frontman sighed, desperate, and squeezed Eugene against his chest. His arms were very tight around his waist, but Eugene didn't complain. He even pressed a few kisses against Eugene's shoulder and jaw. They could do this however Eugene wanted to, but he needed to get a little bit of him. He was dying without his boy. He truly didn't meant to fall this hard, but he couldn't help it anymore.

“I've been thinking a lot about you. I've missed you, Merriell. So much. I just... I didn't want to regret anything... But I want you. I want you in my life. I want to be with you and I don't want to miss this because I am scared.” Eugene confessed against Snafu's curls.

Snafu didn't have it in him anymore to keep acting like he had any sort of dignity. He used to be the one that was chased around and hard to seduce. Eugene with his good manners and his lovely little smile now owned his ass. “Anythin' you want, Red. _You have me_. Anythin' you wanna do. You make the rules, I don't care.”

Eugene caressed the back of his head, tangling his fingers in Snafu's curls, leaning back just enough to be able to look at him. “That's not how we are going to do things. I'll tell you what I want and you'll only accept it if you want the very same.”

Once again, he would take anything that Eugene would suggest. But since he didn't want to argue with him, he nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Eugene nodded. He took a deep breath and slowly let it go as Snafu caressed his sides, keeping his big eyes on him. “I want us to be together. I want... I _don't_ want to hide. And I _don't_ want to have to pretend anymore. This is part of who I am. Meaning... Me, being in love with you, is part of who I am. I am not joking when I say I thought about you _a lot_. I even made... another song, you know?” he smiled, a little ashamed.

Snafu closed his mouth and swallowed thickly. “Can I hear it?”

“It's not quite finished, Merriell. It's not...”

“ _Please_?”

“Right... You know the song you played for me?”

Snafu nodded enthusiastically.

“I... Well. I write some lyrics. It's not even that... Good or anything. I have to polish it.” Eugene warned him. Snafu brushed the tip of his stuffed nose with toilet paper against his cheek. Then he rested his head on his shoulder again, looking at him and listening. “Because you are not mad about it, right? That I used it.”

“Just sing to me, cher.”

Eugene cleared his throat and nodded. “ _And if my voice will fade away, let it be remembered for this song._ ” Snafu could recognize the pace of the chorus even if Eugene sang so lowly. “ _The song of songs. The best one, the sweetest one._ ” Snafu squeezed his eyes shut and held him tighter. “ _The one that longs to reach your ears. The one that is only for you._ ” This was composed by the Eugene that was willing to let the whole world know how in love he was. Sang by the very same one, as well.

Then came the silence and Eugene worried at his lower lip.

So far, Eugene wrote him two songs that were both lovely and sweet. Snafu only sang about how much he wanted to fuck him. He would truly have to step up his game. Write a whole album for him, if it takes.

“I love it.” Snafu breathed.

“Do you?” Eugene smiled a little bit. “So... Does that mean that you'd... like to be my boyfriend?”

That was the sweetest thing he ever heard in his life, _holy shit_.

Snafu kissed him and Eugene chuckled when the toilet paper tickled his upper lip.

*** * ***

As long as Snafu slipped his fingers off Eugene, the frontman began to press moist kisses against his neck, making him snicker a little bit. Snafu was panting against his collarbones, his fingers clumsy and slippery as they tried to undo the button of trousers. Why did he even bother to wear anything fancy? This would have been way easier with his sweatpants.

“Don't laugh at me.” he panted against Eugene's pulse. “I lost a lot of blood.”

“And now it's all _going south_.” Eugene let him pick what kind of meaning that had.

“It's gonna be just fine when you keep begging for more.” he finally pushed his dressing trousers down his legs, kicking them off Eugene's bed.

“I don't beg.” Eugene stated.

“Yeah?” Snafu licked his lower lip before he pushed himself inside of Eugene. The redhead sighed and dragged his smooth nails over Snafu's shoulders. “We'll see that in a minute.” he mumbled as his cheeks already started to burn.

By now, Eugene let him continue, like he truly had the power. He rested comfortably on his pillow and wrapped his legs around Snafu's slender waist. His heels swayed over the back of his thighs each time he bucked his hips forward, getting soft moans and sighs out of Eugene. Snafu turned his head to the side and kissed his temple and his cheek plenty of times. _I love you, I love you_ , he kept whispering.

This felt like it was the best decision he ever took.

“I love you too.” Eugene replied, with his heart so full and his voice so sweet.

Snafu stopped and Eugene felt his long eyelashes against his cheek, closing his eyes, perhaps needing a second to understand that this was finally happening. And that there would be many years of happiness to come. That no matter how lonely he felt, Eugene would always be there. As his _boyfriend_.

That was cool as fuck.

Eugene took advantage of that moment and began to lean more and more against him. Snafu blinked, a little confused, but ended up sitting down on his ankles. Eugene made sure to end up on top of him, with his knees framing his waist. He caressed his hair and brushed away a drop of sweat that was about to get in Snafu's left eyebrow. Eugene kissed the tip of his nose and smiled when Snafu quickly hid his face on his neck.

For being a shameless and badass rockstar as he claimed to be and as the press forced everybody to believe, Snafu was quite a lovely man. Maybe that was what Eugene liked the most about him. He also adored how the fingers of his right hand trembled over his shoulder blade as he started to ride him.

“Begging like this, _baby_?” that was all that Eugene had to say.

“Oh, please, please, please.” Snafu gasped.

He was _so_ easy.

*** * ***

They spent the whole night making love. It was the only excuse he had for waking up so late the following morning. Eugene rubbed his eyes and sighed. Snafu's arm was around his waist, using his arm as a pillow. After kissing his forehead and untangling himself from Snafu's embrace, he walked towards the bathroom. He took a long and warm shower before he walked back to the bedroom. Snafu was still sleeping. Maybe he has been having a terrible month, just like Eugene has.

Thankfully, their worries came to an end.

Well, _somehow_. They would have to worry about other things. But not about hiding what they were or how they felt anymore. Or having to rush it to get inside anyone's house. Next time they might catch them buying a coffee or simply walking down the street. He didn't care. This was not wrong. In fact, it was the very first time Eugene had the convinction he was doing something entirely beneficial for his life.

He got dressed —only with his underwear and Snafu's t-shirt, that he has been avoiding, too scared of thinking even more about him than he already did— and began to fish his clothes. As soon as he got his wallet, he took his phone as well and returned to the bed.

Snafu embraced him immediatelly and rested his head on his lap.

Eugene spoke softly as he made his call.

“Hello?”

“Hello, David Webster? This is Eugene Sledge. Your husband gave me your number.”

“He told me that he would. How are you doing?”

“I'm doing fine, Webster, thank you.” Eugene played with one of Snafu's many curls. The older man opened one of his eyes and grinned a little bit when Eugene caught him spying. The redhead pinched his chin, fondly. “I hope this doesn't come out as arrogant or anything, but... I'd like to talk to you.”

“An interview?” Webster said as Eugene could hear and perfectly recognize Joe's voice asking his husband _where the Hell he left his keys this time_. “Give me a second, Joe, I'm on the phone!”

Joe cursed once again and both men pretended they never heard him.

“If that's alright.” Eugene replied.

“Of course. When could we meet?”

“Next Monday?”

“Morning or afternoon.”

“Morning, if you can.”

“Sounds perfect.”

Snafu began to stretch on his lap as they agreed on the time and the place where they would meet. When Eugene ended the call, Snafu was nuzzling his face against his stomach, covered by the t-shirt he gave him.

“Sounds like someone is about to change his life forever.”

“Sounds like someone is about to be in control of his life. _For once_.”

Snafu bit his lower lip as he smiled, wide and beyond happy. Eugene caressed his cheek and kissed him.

Yes, it felt good to take the right decision from time to time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really couldn’t help myself. I love the Easy boys and they had to show up in this one as well. Anyway! More content of this ridiculous AU on my [tumblr](persipneiwrites.tumblr.com). 


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